Planting flowers in a field of weeds

Now that's community...and an awesome God

2011-11-30T17:14:00.001-08:00

The other day I was on my way somewhere and when I got in my car it would not start. Bummer! So I asked one of my house mates (who is also one of my pastors) if she could give me a jump. She had a little time to spare and tried. It did not work. Double bummer! So my other house mate (who is another pastor -they're a couple) came to look at it and helped me take off the battery and barely had enough time to drop me off at Auto Zone before he had to go back to work. They checked my battery at Auto Zone and said it was fine. Tripple bummer! So I called a friend from church that I thought would be home and lives close and asked for a ride home. He said no problem. While I was waiting for him outside, a Spanish speaking church member was going in with, low and behold, her mechanic. So I explained what was going on (in Spanish) and at this point I was going to have to tow my car to the mechanic, which is not cheap and I am very low on funds right now. But her mechanic said he would come look at it for me. Wow! While I was waiting for them, I was putting my battery back on and three church members drove by and asked if I was okay. Double wow! The mechanic figured out it was the starter right away and was able to get it to start and told me if I followed him he would give me a discount because I was a friend. Triple Wow! I followed them and he was able to work out a deal that was half the normal price! Quadruple Wow! My church friend gave me a ride to the ATM and home and a friend from school offered to give me a ride to school and to the mechanic the next day! Wow times 5! Finally, my roommate offered to let me use some cash since I forgot to get the full amount from the ATM and I now did not have a car to get cash. Wow times 6! Now that's community...and an awesome God! I did not even have a chance to stress. I did not have to ask for help, but once. Help found me. This is what proximal community looks like, when a group of people choose to live in an area of town. These things don't happen when your community is scattered across the city. An experience I'll never forget!

Words

2011-10-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem/spoken word after feeling a bit frustrated with how people don't seem to treat words with the power that they have and I've often been annoyed by the saying I grew up hearing about "sticks and stones..."

Words
You may have heard this saying
"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me"
But you see
I disagree
In fact, I highly disagree
Let me take you on an adventure in your mind
Lets travel back in time
Imagine a streamline of memories
No doubt, some will be bad
Whether you felt mad or sad,
Hurtful memories abound
Now lets add sound to this round of thoughts
What do you hear?
Merely joy and praise
Well, that would amaze me
If you are human, as we all are
You are probably scarred
By something someone said
As if engraved in your head
Words have power
And it is in our control
To either destroy or console
To create or with hold
Life or death
Yes
You have that power
And it is our choice
To abide by either
The age old lie
Or how about this reply
"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words forever shape me"
Like when you try and box me in
And then look me square in the eyes
Saying all those lies
Sometimes you have a round about way
To convey, you care
Oh how words can tear apart
Our heart
But you are not the only one who shapes me
I can reframe all those negative names
And hear my God saying who I really am
Which is the opposite of what you claim to be true
God can take all the scars from being marred
And use each jagged line to convey a person that shines
A shape that is defined
By words of praise, love, and grace
A concept hard to embrace
But lets face it
"Sticks and stones may break our bones,
but words forever shape us"
The question is, which shape will we be
And which shape will we cause others to be
Cuz remember
The power to create and recreate is within thee

Liberation Theology verses Communism

2011-02-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

I just finished "Introducing Liberation Theology" and there was one part I found to be very curious. The author says "Fidel Castro is devoting considerable attention to the political and ethical significance of Latin American liberation theology, regarding its arguments as far more persuasive than those of Marxism itself".

The reason I was drawn to this book was because I heard about liberation theology before going Cuba and it was shed in a positive light. When I was in Cuba we were visiting the home of a friend who's husband is a professor and church leader. I pulled a book off the shelf that was a six hour dialogue between Castro and the author about religion in Cuba. I remember Castro talking about liberation theology.

Liberation Theology and Marxism have many overlaps. However, there is one very clear distinction: Liberation Theology does not promote using violence (it also does not suggest complete government control). At first when I read that Castro supported liberation theology, it was extremely disheartening. I thought he used it to justify. But now I see that his interest in liberation theology is more recent. This offers me an ounce of hope. I just have no idea if his interest in it is guiding any of his actions or his brothers actions, who is now president.

My biggest struggle with liberation theology is how much should the government be involved and at what point is it too much or too little. I think one problem in the U.S. is that I would say the majority of people don't even practice the principles of liberation theology on an individual level or collectively apart from the government. The book said that President Reagan devised a counterattack of liberation theology because it was too revolutionary.

Although I know there are major issues with the government in Cuba, I don't think capitalism is the answer. I see major problems with capitalism in the U.S. (For one, we thrive on exploitation of poor. And money drives us as a country more than God). I see problems with communism in Cuba. The book says liberation theology is an alternative to capitalism and socialism. So what would a healthy government look like? Perhaps only God knows. I'd say non-violent, preferential treatment of the poor is a good start.

**Liberation Theology in short says that God is for the poor and against the oppressors. It seeks liberation from oppression. It entails action, alongside the poor. It believes in non-violence and justice. It doesn't just believe in the future kingdom, but the kingdom to come in our midst. It believes that action alongside the poor to resist oppression is not optional, but required as a Christian. (I own the book if anyone wants to borrow it...it's only 95 pages).

Root Causes of Poverty

2011-02-15T23:19:00.001-08:00

I had to write this for one of my classes and figured it could be shared with more than just my class!

If the question were, what are the causes of poverty, there is quite a bit mentioned in the readings. Here are some I noted:

-lack of social responsibility
-class segregation
-discrimination
-individualism
-consumerism
-spiritual individualism leading to economic individualism
-composition of family life
-geographical location
-weakening unions
-low paying jobs
-economic injustice

However, the question is not what are the causes of poverty, but rather the ROOT causes of poverty. Although the causes of poverty are complex. The root cause, in my opinion, is simple: sin.

In my experience, Christians can agree that sin exists. However, the perpetuation of poverty comes through the variations of how sin is viewed. Some say the poor are poor because they sin (i.e. lack of discipline or poor decision making). There is some truth to this, however, I frequently see the sin of the wealthy overlooked. In scripture, when sin is addressed on an economic level, it is always the rich that are sinning. Other sin that is addressed is attributed to sin that all humans experience regardless of economic status. To extend that further, not only sin by the rich, but also sin by leaders is rebuked by God (Isaiah 10:2, 1:15-17, Amos 5:15, Micah 3:1-4 and 9-12). Scripture often speaks of sin as not only what we do, but what we do not do. There is a quote I once heard that I like "evil is not perpetuated by bad people doing bad things, but rather by good people doing nothing". So many are quick to point out the sin of the poor, but we appear to struggle or feel uncomfortable pointing out the sin of the wealthy and of leaders. This is an area of sin I am working on!

Another variation of how sin is viewed is regarding individual sin verses communal & systemic sin. In my experience of American Christianity, sin is often viewed as an individual experience. However, in scripture, we see sin committed by whole nations as is the case in Amos, for example. We also see sin in systems (Colossians 1:16). This variation goes well with the reading by Hilfiker that suggests a cause of poverty is spiritual individualism which led to economic individualism.

All throughout the readings, poverty is discussed with particular focus on the United States. The poverty that plagues so much of the world is quite frankly much greater than that of the U.S. People are eating rocks. Death due to starvation is staggering. Yes, America has a problem, but we must not forget the world. I believe America really needs to look at the sin it is committing not only within the nation, but as a nation against other nations.

God of Everyday Miracles

2010-04-18T22:05:00.001-07:00

God is always answering prayers, but sometimes it's very obvious. There have been times that I've tried to remember God directly answering prayer and I can't think of an example. Somehow I forget so easily. So this time I'm writing it down.
I'm taking a class right now and last week I knew I was supposed to be sharing my story in 2 weeks because that is what I signed up for. But being in the class, I felt some anxiety and was just ready to share it sooner than 2 weeks. So I went to the restroom and I made a simple prayer of like "God can I please share my story next week instead of in two weeks?" My human mind thought, there's no way it's already scheduled. Well, at the end of our class the leader explains that the next week was going to be a little different and she asked if I or the other girl that was going to share wanted to share the following week instead of that week. My eyes got wide, my eyes brows raised in amazement and I said quickly "Yes, I will." I didn't even give the other girl a chance, but I knew this was an answer to prayer. Thankfully the other girl said she'd rather wait and didn't put up of a fight or anything.
Then today, I was talking with my accountability partner and after some processing she was saying how she really wanted a mentor. We talked through all the places she could possibly get a mentor and no one came to mind and nothing stuck out to her. So at the end, I prayed that God would do a miracle and provide her a mentor. And that He did! When she got home, she got an e-mail from a friend that had just got back from North Africa and she was looking for someone to mentor. Wow were those some quick turn arounds in prayer!
I know God always hears our prayers and is trying to answer them as long as they are in His will and in our best interest. But I know sometimes it can take a while because He's having to work with the free will of people and systems etc. I just love it when He does it so quickly and blows me away. He's done it a million times, but I want to remember because it's so easy to forget.

Modern Day Good Samaritan (well sort of)

2010-04-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

So I was driving to meet my co-workers at a restaurant and I was in the turn lane to go under the freeway. On the corner catty corner from me I see this elderly guy fall flat on his face, no knees or hands to stop the fall. Yeah, flat on his face. It looked bad! So I panic and think, "Oh my gosh is he okay." My good Samaritan and motherly instincts kick in and I immediately am trying to figure out how to go check on him. I also think of the bad falls my grandpa has taken and how when an elderly person falls, it's especially bad. I see him get up and pull out a napkin of sorts from his pocket and put it over his nose or mouth. I can tell he's trying to stop the bleeding. I think to myself, I can offer him some water and then see if he wants a ride to a CVS or Walgreens to get whatever he needs to doctor himself and I would pay for it all.
My light turns green and I'm forced to turn left away from the guy so I get in the turn lane and make an illegal U-turn to try and get to the right side of the street. Then the guy starts walking across the street and I have to make another illegal U-turn to get back on the right side. I pull over and roll down the window to talk to him and then I see the cars come at me in the rear view mirror. So I thought I'll just go through the light and find a spot to park. Bad idea. I had to go through two lights and go part way down another street to find somewhere to pull over and park. I park, grab the water and walk as fast as I can to get to the guy. By the time I wait for all the lights, cross the intersection and get back to where he was, he wasn't there anymore. Then I see him walking to the bus station holding the napkin up to his nose or mouth. I try to catch up to him, but he takes one of the elevators and I don't know which one it is. Believe it or not, at this point, I'm actually shaking trying to help this guy. I was so disappointed. I tried to be a Good Samaritan, but had a million hurdles to jump.
As I reflected on the whole ordeal, I realized a couple of things. One thing is that the compassion that overcame me made me think of the compassion God has for me. Sometimes I may think God or even people don't notice me in pain and aren't doing anything. But maybe there are just hurdles that have to be jumped to get to me. The second thing I realized is that I should not have let traffic stop me. I should have just parked my car in the street and put on my hazards. The other cars had 3 lanes to go around me. I had my priorities mixed up. I let the thoughts of people getting impatient and honking at me get in the way of me helping this old guy that just took a bad fall and was bleeding. So that was my lesson for the day...don't let traffic stop you from being a Good Samaritan!

Rich/Poor Judgements and Reality

2010-04-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

I had a revelation, an epiphany, yesterday. This realization has been in the works for a while now, but I finally felt some breakthrough. I've been praying that God help me have a healthy view of both wealth and poverty steering away from judgment. I've learned much about poverty over the years and have found it easier to not wrongly judge the poor. I've ofter tried to put myself in the shoes of the poor to try and understand where they are coming from (it helps that I didn't exactly grow up wealthy). Some say the poor are lazy and just want handouts. I've learned although this can be true at times, it's more complicated than that and many times there are reasons outside the control of the person that influence them and there are great hurdles to overcome that make elevating oneself economically very challenging.

However, for the first time yesterday, I realized I need go through this same process for the rich as well. I have easily jumped to the conclusion that the rich are greedy and insensitive. I just realized yesterday that it's just as wrong for me to call a rich person greedy as it is for someone to call a poor person lazy. I know hardworking people that are poor and rich people that are very giving and generous. The rich also have pressures, obstacles, and things out of their control that lead them to their economic state. I want to continue to have a healthy understanding of both sides and be the bridge that God has called me to be.

Grocery Store Adventure...Embracing Culture and Christmas

2009-12-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

So my roommate decided she wanted to make jambalaya for Christmas and she was going to have to work during the day so I agreed to go shopping for what she needed. I knew the stores would be closed on Christmas so this was my only chance. It was the day before Christmas.

Little did I know that I did not know what half the items on the list were. So I am standing in the aisle looking for peeled plum tomatoes and decided to ask the African American lady next to me if she knew what they were. She wasn't sure either, so I told her it was for jambalaya. Then she told me exactly what to get. Feeling confident that she may know what the other items were I went on to ask her what scallions were. She was super nice and told me where to find them. Then I asked her what worcestershine sauce was. She said "I'm gonna help you with that whole shopping list ain't I!" with a smile. She could tell I had no idea what these things were.

I proceeded to find the items she told me about. When I came to the scallions, I had to ask another lady cuz I couldn't find them. She described what they looked like and told me to ask the stocker. I asked him and he said they didn't sell them anymore. As I was walking away, a white guy came up to me and handed me what I call green onions and said "These are scallions" with a smile. The older African American lady next to me said, the stocker guy probably didn't know cuz we call them green onions. I saw the first lady I talked to near by greeting the lady that told me to talk to the stocker about the scallions and double checked to see if they were scallions and they said scallions are bigger, but they are the same thing. I ran into these ladies 2-3 more times and every time they said "What else you need help with, what else you got on that list?" in a very kind and excited to help kind of way. I felt so cared for by these ladies that they took joy in helping me find all the ingredients. I found myself smiling big trying to hold back my laughter as I was shopping feeling utterly dependent on the people around me. I find great joy in learning cultures and love the excitement people have to share their culture.

People have said that people can be grumpy and impatient around the holidays, but this day people were very nice and even taking time out to help me. The cashier was telling me with a big smile how excited she was to be off for Christmas and get off early. I could feel the joy radiating from her. As I was leaving the parking lot I let an older African American lady pass by and I said "Merry Christmas!" She said "Thank you and a Merry Christmas to you too!" with a very upbeat attitude. It felt good to experience people in such good spirits.

Finally!!

2009-09-12T10:01:00.001-07:00

When I was a sophomore in college, God put it on my heart to move to the city and live incarnationally among the poor and marginalized. While in college, I tried to be involved in city stuff but I lived 30 - 45 minutes outside the city and had too many other commitments including graduating from college. So I tried to care for students in my college coming from poorer backgrounds instead. After I graduated, I knew it wasn't a wise move to live by myself in the city. I didn't know anyone to model it for me nor that would be willing to join me. So I felt led by God to join Servant Partners thinking I'd finally be able to do what I wanted to do for the 3 years prior. But I was wrong. I ended up living on the corner of two main streets, not in a neighborhood, on church property, and surrounded by church members and seminary students for the majority of my stay. What the heck, God! Not only that, but the internship was so heavy on the studying scripture end that even if I had time to invest in any kind of neighborhood ministry I was too tired. I was expecting to be challenged in caring for the poor in my neighborhood, but instead I was challenged in how long I can engage in scripture study before I was spent and how many books I can read.

FINALLY, I will be moving into a neighborhood and I will be able to do what I've been wanting to do for the last 5 years now. Wow, was that a journey to get to. As I talked to a friend about our housing situation, I found out they had been looking for better housing for us for 6 months and that was our only option. The frustrating part was that housing opened up in the neighborhood a week after we signed the contract. I'm excited that I'm finally able to move into the neighborhood if all goes well. But I'm still asking God what to do with the last two years and how long it took me to get here.

Storing up Treasures in Heaven

2009-08-08T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm rewinding to before I left for Mexico. Northwest Neighbors, an organization that does bible study for at-risk youth in the neighborhood, had a volunteer appreciation night. To my surprise, they were actually honoring the work I had done with them over the two past years. So each of the youth I invested in shared about why they appreciate me. I knew they appreciated me, but I didn't know just how much. Some of the comments that stuck out to me was that one of them really appreciated my insights in bible study and always wanted to hear what I had to say. One of the other girls commented on how I was the only positive role model for a friend that she has. She also affirmed me in that I am not afraid to be myself.

It was cool to hear from them that the time I was investing in them was making a difference in their lives. It reminded me of the scripture that talks about storing up treasures in heaven instead of treasures on earth. It reaffirmed my decision to move into this neighborhood and give up all the "things" I could have such as a really nice home, really nice car, in a really nice neighborhood. The treasures in heaven I am storing up feel so much more rewarding and worth it than those on earth.

Forgiving Ignorance

2009-08-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

I had a revelation the other night. I went to a free concert in the park in Pasadena. The performer was an Asian, folk singer from Austin, TX. At one point between songs she was talking to entertain the audience and used the word "y'all" in reference to the audience. One of the guys in the audience began to scream "y'all" repeatedly in a teasing and demeaning way. I felt this anger well up inside of me.

I've had this happen to me many times. My initial response it to get really angry at that guy and then my mind wonders to all the Californians that have done that to me and I want to get angry at all Californians. (As progressive and liberal as Californias are I don't understand why saying y'all is such big deal. It's expresses gender equality better than "you guys". ) Then my mind shifted to all the stares I got in Mexico and the anger that created (now that I think about it, maybe they were just wondering who the new neighbor was).

I began to pray and ask God how to have a healthy response to this comment and those stares. There are some common threads that run through these experiences: one is being misunderstood by others and two is ignorance. Then I remembered what the black student that went to Cairo said how we have to forgive, but I realized in that moment that what I'm forgiving is ignorance. Jesus understood forgiving ignorance. Some of his last words on the cross were "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do." Now that is amazing grace! I'm glad that at least Jesus understands!

Media...why don't we do something?

2009-08-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a girl from Britain when I was staying at a hostel during the Trek orientation. She was a very nice person. We got into a conversation about media in America and how it shapes peoples thinking. She shared a map she saw of coverage America gives to other countries. She said certain countries like Iraq were huge while the continent of Africa was barely existent. I told her my frustrations with American media. For example, how Mexico is portrayed as drug dealers, kidnappers, gang bangers, and people with the swine flu. When in reality, that may describe Juarez, but not all of Mexico. That's like saying don't go to New York because there is a riot in Los Angeles.

Then she said she's come across many Americans who've had complaints about the media and she asked why we don't do anything about it. I thought for a minute and didn't know why. Later another girl staying in the hostel from Boston joined us and we asked her. She said it's because there are too many people that don't see it as a problem and like what's covered. They aren't aware of how media can twist and misinterpret things and how it shapes our perceptions. I wonder what it would take for American media to better represent Kingdom values and not just feed people what they want to hear.

When do I get off?

2009-08-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

Each time I've gone out of country to large cities and have experienced the public transportation there, I have to remember how to know when to get off the bus, jeepney, or micro. It is actually a bit of a challenge to find a unique landmark that let's you know this is your stop. The first time, I picked a big yellow bank because I thought it was rare. Then I saw many big, yellow banks and my landmark was a failure. It's not like in the states where they call out the street name or something. You just have to know. Now that was a fun challenge when it was dark, raining, the windows were fogged up, I was sitting in a row seat, I was sitting on the opposite side of when I initially went, and there were people standing in the aisle blocking my view to the other side. Thankfully, God was with me and I remembered the timing and enough people got off for me to see across the aisle to see the landmark my co-staff had suggested. I got a little wet and muddy due to getting off a little too early, but it could have been worse.

Windy, Dusty

2009-08-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

When I was teaching English one day, we were reviewing the seasons (summer, winter, spring, and fall) and I asked them for the weather conditions in each one. They said windy and dusty for all of them. And that is what I experienced being there. I've never experienced so much dust and mud before. I don't believe God intended for people to live on a lake bed where you can't grow anything like trees, flowers, or grass. Yeah, we aren't doing such a great job of having dominion over the earth.

What you starin' at?

2009-08-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

As a young kid I went to a majority black school. There were so many times that people snapped at me and said "What you starin' at?" I remember that it bothered me that they got such an attitude and yelled at me. Sometimes I'd say "You!" with some attitude in my defense. Then they'd say "You want me to do something about it?" And I'd hold my head down and whisper, "No.". I never wanted to fight or get in trouble. I honestly think that some of the black kids would dump all the negative experiences that they or their family had with whites on me.

Anyway, walking down the street in Mexico I've gotten many stares. They don't come off as very positive or inviting. I've heard that reaction I used to get as a child in my head "What you starin' at?" But this time it was me saying it. I've felt defensive and upset. On the one hand, I think I understand better the black students responses. I'm sure they got a lot of stares and yes, it's quite unsettling and annoying. On the other hand, I begin to get upset because I consistently feel misunderstood in life. I feel like I get boxed in a lot and I feel like people don't recognize the ethnic and cultural experiences I've had all my life that don't fit in the boxes that are put on "white" people. I'm know I'm guilty of doing the same to others at various points. It reminds me to check myself and my assumptions about people.

After debreifing with some other students that had more extreme experiences in Cairo, Egypt, the comment that stuck out to me the most is that we have to continually forgive and have mercy on others. It's usually ignorance and conditioning that creates those responses.

My Personal Mission Statement

2009-08-03T12:24:00.001-07:00

When I was in Mexico City, the team leader for Servant Partners had us write a personal mission statement. It may evolve over time, but this is what I have for now. I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct:

To usher in Shalom efficiently and expediently in my life, family, community, city, nation, and world through being a bridge, using my voice, confronting powers, empowering others with and using my life experiences, ethnic upbringing, power, natural abilities, spiritual gifts, lengual abilities, knowledge, privilege, resources, and connections to benefit, love, serve, and uplift "the least of these", fighting injustice, complacency, apathy, silence, and settling, being an agent of change in society, not limiting myself nor God, periodically reminding myself of those lesser and presenting myself before the Lord open to change and redirection, believing God (with the help of people) can change people, powers, and systems, not limiting myself to any geographical setting, not being afraid to take risks, obeying God, living simply, and upholding Kingdom values in my life, being a vessel and bearer of truth, and above all else seeking to love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, soul, strength, and might and love my neighbor as myself.

Slum Communities...I can have a role

2009-08-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

It was cool to realize more and more what I have to offer slum communities after going to Mexico City for six weeks. First of all, being American and choosing to be there lets the people know they have value and are cared for, that I would give up my comfort to be there with them. I never thought speaking English could be so impactful, but the people were so eager to learn correct pronunciation and grammar. The English they get in school is low quality. I guess it makes sense, being able to speak English means access to better jobs. Now I realize what a privilege it is. Being able to connect with different ages and cultures. Because of this people will trust me and choose to listen to what I can offer about God and life. And mediating conflict. If this didn't happen, our kids club could have been a disaster. It was cool to see that God can use me in a different cultural context and that I have a lot to offer (there was more I realized than mentioned here). And I could see what a difference the church and organization I worked with was making in peoples lives as the people realized their value and God's love for them and their community.

But I'm just a stranger

2009-08-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

I saw and experienced the love of God in my host family. They invited me, a stranger, into their home and family. They gave me a place to sleep, food to eat, helped me do laundry and dishes, taught me their culture, and tended to my health problems. I was amazed by their openness and sacrifice. I think I got a glimpse of what the disciples must have experienced when they traveled and stayed with strangers. It takes some risk, but is so rewarding beyond my imagination.

Wow, that's a big back yard!

2009-08-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

When I first got to Chimalhuacan, Mexico and saw all the dogs (I counted 115 one day on the bus. That was in about 2 miles, 15-20 minutes in slight traffic with a lot of speed bumps. And that's just what I could see.) roaming around, I thought the people were insensitive and didn't care. That was because in America if you see a dog roaming around outside, it's a stray dog. But over time I realized that I was wrong. Even though the dogs were roaming around many (if not most) had owner, names, and some could do tricks. Chimalhuacan was just their huge backyard .

Back Pain saga continued

2009-08-03T12:11:00.000-07:00

This is just a continuation of a prior post. I'm keeping track of how ridiculous it has been to take care of my back. So where I left off in the prior post (Healthcare...frustrating) was I was waiting to hear back about my chest x-ray in order to get the MRI. Well, about a week passed and I called the people about three times. One time the doctors was doing an operation and hadn't got around to evaluating my x-ray. The next time the doctor had to make a request to get the actual x-ray and not just a written explanation. The next time, a couple days later, still waiting on the doctor.

Then I went to Mexico for 6 weeks. It was amazing to get healthcare there. I paid 20 bucks, waited 30 minutes, got my x-ray and walked away with it in my hands (I wanted to see if my spine is okay). That was so much easier.

So I came back home to America and called the MRI place. They said they had left a message. I never got it. She said she needed to know how old I was when I had heart surgery, what kind of metal was it and what was the name of the operation. I had already told them the name of the operation about 5 times. I even researched it and sent it to them on e-mail. She claims she never got it. So now, again, I'm waiting... I can't help but say our healthcare system sucks!

25 best things I've ever done

2009-04-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

I went out with some co-workers for my birthday and we were talking about what I can do for my 25th birthday. One suggestion was to think of the 25 best things I've ever done(or perhaps the best decisions I've ever made). So here they are:
1. Rode on roller coasters
2.Learned Spanish
3. Learned to dance
4. Went to diverse public schools
5.Spent the summer with my Christian sister, Elena
6.Chose to follow Jesus
7. Broke up with my boyfriend
8. Did well in school
9. Graduated High School
10. Played sports
11. Went to college
12. Chose a college near my sister, Elena and her husband, Steve
13. Joined InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF)
14. Met Michele Blanton
15. Went on the San Antonio Urban Project
16.Changed my major to Sociology
17. Joined the Exec team of IVCF
18. Went on the Global Urban Trek to Manila, Philippines
19. Graduated College
20. Moved to California
21. Lived with Jenny Johnson
22. Joined Living Waters
23. Learned Spanish
24. Taken risks
25. Continued to follow Jesus

Health Care...frustrating

2009-04-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

I went to my primary care physician last April because 3 months of chiropractic care was not helping my back after my car accident. I asked to get an MRI and she said we had to try physical therapy first.
So I did that for several weeks and after 8-9 months I tried many things (too many to mention), spent lots of money, and made minimal progress. Finally, I went back to the doctor. She referred me to a pain clinic. I made the appointment and had to get all my medical records for my back which required a few phone calls and special trips. I went there and the doctor said it would take a week to approve the MRI. It got approved and I called to make an appointment.
Then they asked me about my heart surgery I had 12 years ago. She wanted the name of the doctor and where I had it. So I talked to my mom, found out and called back. Then she said I had to get my medical records from them to proceed. So I looked up the hospital and there were like 10 branches of this hospital in Houston. So I picked the one closest to my house growing up. They sent we through 3 automated voice systems until finally I reached a voice mail and had to leave a message. After I didn't hear anything back for a day, I called the main line and the lady gave me the direct number. I told her how I reached a voice mail and the call was not returned. She said to call early in the morning (that's difficult when I'm two hours ahead of them) and then she gave me an alternate phone number. I called the alternate one and got an answer. I explained my situation and the lady told me there's a $42 charge for the first 10 pages and $1.13 for each page after that or I could send it directly to the doctor for free. She said I'd have to sign an authorization either way. So I gave her my fax number and it never came through. I called back and she said she sent it and it was confirmed. We've had trouble with that fax machine so I gave her an alternate one. I went to the office where that one is a few hours later and the secretary said she didn't receive a fax (I had to do this during work because they aren't open before or after I get off-even more frustrating). So I called back and she said I could look it up on-line.
I decided to make sure I had the right hospital. She looked it up and told me I needed to contact a different hospital. I talked to my mom again to find out which hospital specifically. I looked it up on-line and then called the main line. I went through 3 more automated systems and finally reached a real voice. I explained my situation. The lady wanted to know the specific date I had the surgery. Again frustrating since it was when I was young. She told me they only hold records for 10 years but that I could try. I had already decided that I was going to ask the doctor's office to work out faxing the authorization because it was easier for them and I was frustrated. This lady suggested I do that. So I got all the information and called the doctor's office and explained the situation. (In the mean time-3 days after I left it, the other lady returned my call from the voice mail I left). They wanted to know why I couldn't do it. I told them I didn't have a fax and that I was informed that they had the authorization. She begrudgingly agreed to send it, but told me I had to sign the authorization. Thankfully, I had the day off from work and could just drive over there and sign it.
All of this caused much frustration and made my back hurt worse. One month after I went in and started the process to get an MRI, I still have not had one. I'm still waiting to hear back on the medical records dilemma. In the mean time, I'm losing sleep because my back hurts so bad. This is why I'm skeptical of doctors. It's for this very reason that scar tissue built up and created complications in my knee surgery and caused me to lose a lot of cartilage and be advised to never play sports again, not even for fun. I'm having a hard time keeping a positive attitude towards doctors. uurrrggg!
I last wrote on this April 25 and it is now May 23 and still nothing has happened! What has happened. After a week and a half waiting for my records I called to check the status. Of course I had to call to see if the doctor's office received it. That got me passed around and explaining over and over. They didn't receive them. So I had to call the Release of Information place and get passed around and explain again. Finally, a lady verified my name and said your last name is Diamante, right? Wow, was that frustrating. So I corrected her - she still said my name wrong three times before getting off and she said she'd call back. I asked why they had not called me yet and she said she did not have my contact information. So I gave it to her. Three days later, I called again because I had not heard back. She said that they had already shredded my records because the surgery was too long ago. It took two months to tell me that!
So I called the MRI place to let them know. They asked me about the surgery I had. I explained. I even went on line and sent them some links. After a few phone calls, being passed around, explaining, and waiting for them to call me, they said I have to get a chest x-ray. I called the place I went originally to set that up, they were confused by my situation, asked me all these questions and said they'd call back. So the nurse assistant left a message on my phone (that day-thank God) saying they would be sending me a form in the mail with locations and a prescription to get a chest x-ray. I had to wait another 4 fours. Thankfully, the place to get a chest x-ray is on a walk in basis because I couldn't take any more days off of work. Now it's been three days and we are going into a three day weekend and I'm still waiting to hear what's going to happen next. So the back/MRI saga continues....

Leaving LA

2009-03-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

If things go as planned I will be leaving LA within the year. I was reflecting over everything else I have to do before I leave. Here is the list thus far (I am only including things I have not yet done), feel free to add your suggestions:
1. Go to a Jay Leno or Ellen show
2. Go to Las Vegas
3. Go to Disney Land (?)
4. Eat Korean Bar B Que
5. Go to some museums on Miracle Mile
6. Go hiking
7. Go to Six Flags (without kids with me)

Healing

2009-03-11T19:19:00.001-07:00

After a year and two months of chronic back pain, my understanding of physical pain and God's healing has been evolving. I used to think that if God were going to heal someone it would be instant. If God did not heal someone instantly, I would wonder what went wrong and would be discouraged at times. I might think, did I not have enough faith? Did they not have enough faith? Does God not care or is He not really in the healing business? Now, I think differently!
I've come to realize that there is a role that God can play, that the devil can play, and also that we play. The pain I am experiencing in my back can be attributed to choices I have made that have created the problem. If God were to heal me instantly, I would not change my unhealthy lifestyle patterns. I trust that God is good, that he sees my pain, and that He wants healing for me. I also see the choices I have to make to help the process.
Now, I think when I pray for peoples healing I can have a better understanding of why God might not heal right away. And I do think sometimes there is an emotional and deeper spiritual component to why someone might hava an ailment. I've heard stories about this. The bottom line is it is complicated, but God is good. I think we should be careful of always looking at the spiritual component to an ailment and also look at that persons lifestyle habits or at what else God may be wanting that person to learn from it. Maybe our prayers should not just be let the pain go away, but let them have insight into their problem to know what God is trying to communicate or what they need to change in order to be healed. And ofcourse, the particular ailment makes a difference as well. These are just some of my initial thoughts.

It keeps popping in my head

2008-11-28T02:17:00.000-08:00

I've been reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne and there is one story he tells that keeps popping up in my head. It goes like this:

I remember hearing an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world and his friend says. " Well, why don't you ask?" The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why he mutters. "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over, when I ask God why all these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet." (page 65)

Wow, what a concept. What if we all internalized that? How would this world be different? Here's another song it reminds me of.

Another thought on Obama as President

2008-11-28T02:04:00.000-08:00

So my job is to help kids with behavioral issues. The day after the election, I received a call from one of my kid's teacher saying he was having a bad day and asking if I could come talk to him. So I went to talk to my kid. I took several approaches, but one of them was to try and increase motivation for school.

So I asked him what he wanted to be when he got older and I asked him if he'd want to be President. For a second I thought I needed to take my words back because this was a Black boy. I did not want to instill false hope, unrealistic expectations, or have ignorance about the reality of his future (most Black males go to the cemetery young or go to jail). But then I realized that Barack was just elected and it is possible for a Black male to be President. I felt a sense of relief. I could genuinely ask him that question not wonder if it was too far stretched. And I have someone to point to proving that it is possible. That's pretty exciting!!

Life Quotes

2008-11-28T01:48:00.000-08:00

I was reflecting on all the quotes that have come up several times in my life and thought I'd share a list of some:

If there is a will there is a way -my dad
You have to learn to delegate -my dad
Simba, you deliberately disobeyed me - Lion King
It's not either/or it's and/both - Michele Blanton
There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love - Mother Theresa
We have to learn to disagree well - Shane Claiborne
If life gives you lime, make limeade - my dad
It's not right or wrong, it's just different - STIM
Is what I'm doing, thinking or saying building trust or undermining trust? - STIM
It's not what you do first, but what you do next - STIM
Two wrongs don't make a right - don't know
Treat others as you'd want to be treated - golden rule
You'll never know until you try - my sister Mari
Si se puede - soccer team
You have to listen and obey - Elena and Steve
Don't give up - my dad's co-worker
Do not pass the buck - my dad
This is life giving - my dad
This is like music to my ears - my dad
Don't worry, be happy - Lion King, Bob Marley and my dad

Do you have any quotes that have come up a lot in your life?

Elections through different eyes

2008-11-26T18:05:00.000-08:00

I just read my roommates blog and her belated post about elections and I was inspired to write a quick blog.

The night of the election I was actually having bible study with the high school girls in the neighborhood who are Black and Latina. It was a pretty intense night. I think the thing that really got me, though, was the reaction a couple of the black high school students had.

When Obama won we were waiting to hear his speech and one of the girls asks "Is this Live?" Our response was "Yes." and she had to ask again " Like live, live!" and so I kinda cracked a joke and was like "Yeah, if Obama trips on the stage we'll see it go down" And then another high school girl followed it with "If he's got wardrobe dysfunction, we'll see him lookin' jacked up!" and we were laughing when I turned and saw the other girl having a concerned look and talking to one of the other high school girls.

Then it clicked! She was worried about Obama getting shot.

My laughter was gone and it saddened me. I'm not sure that would have even crossed my mind if I weren't with them. This was a very real concern. I remembered a prior conversation we had when she said "If a Black person becomes President, he's gonna get shot...what's happened to every Black guy that got somewhere in society!" And I had to acknowledge her concern is actually real. There are still people that hate Blacks enough to shoot them for no good reason. I tried to reassure her by telling her they would have lots of security. And sure enough, later, I saw that there was a huge glass barrier on the stage. I guess they weren't the only ones worried.

After that, I was driving one of the girls home and she freaked out and was like "Oh, no! We forgot to pray for Obama's saftey!" So I was like "Well, we can pray for him now!" She said "No we can't, you can't drive with your eyes closed." I laughed and said "I don't have to pray with my eyes closed." She said "But God won't hear our prayers and it's better with lots of people!" So I explained to her that there was still three of us and He would hear our prayer. The other high school girl joined us and Cheraya led us in prayer for Obama's saftey.

I'm thankful to be in relationship with these girls and I have really appreciated the ways I've been invited into their perspectives and struggles as Blacks in America. It's no wonder Jesus values relationships so much. These are experiences that money cannot buy.

It reminds me of a song by Derek Webb especially the part that says "He says 'More than just your cash and coins, I want your time, Iwant your voice. I want the things you just can't give me."

There are two ways, generally speaking, to invest in the poor and the outcast. One is to give money. And the other is to be in relationship and be a part of their lives (I guess the third is to do both). I, personally, have found being a part of their lives to be very rewarding (although Jesus doesn't promise that -it's more about obediance.) And the story above is one of the many examples of it being rewarding.

Come What May

2008-11-09T21:57:00.001-08:00

I will love the Lord, come what may! I will love Him until my dying day! (her stage name is Sparkling Diamond...hmmm!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZgMcgqveCM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVAoKTKFDzU&feature=related

Racial Reconciliation: The Tables Turn

2008-09-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

I've been experiencing this tension when it comes to racial reconciliation. It's funny what God can bring up when we really open our hearts to letting him show us the ugliness. So, I've had this recent discovery. When my InterVarsity fellowship used to discuss racial reconciliation, I would always see myself as the White girl being reconciled to everyone else.

Even though, I've tried hard to cling to my Latina roots and embrace that side of me as well, I think I'm usually perceived as White by people. And so the looking glass self theory (I think that's what it's called) proves to be true for me. The way I think others perceive me is the way I tend to perceive myself.

So when my fellowship would have discussions on race and reconciliation, it always felt pretty easy for me. I grew up in a school that was 5% white. I actually feel more comfortable around non-whites (mostly Latinos and Blacks since I had the most exposure to them). So I just thought, oh, this is easy, I can be reconcilied to these other people no problem because I have all kinds of friends of different races.

However, as the years have passed, God has been exposing the not-so-pretty parts of my heart. Little by little I've begun to realize that the people I need to be reconciled to are not only the Blacks, Latinos, Asians and so on (I still have much to learn about these cultures/races), but in fact the White people. I still remember when me and my friends growing up went to this particular movie theater that was in the nicer part of town. It was around the time The Sixth Sense came out. When we got to the theater, there were White people everywhere. My friends and I joked and said "I see White people!". A bit scared at first. I also remember this awkwardness when I started college since my college was 50% White. It really threw me off at first. It was culture shock.

God has done some work on me in this area. Having friends and family of the races you need to have reconciliation with is really helpful. But I know I still have a ways to go. I just think this was a somewhat interesting discovery for me since I think I'm usually perceived as White, there are ways that I function that are more of a White thing, and I am part White. But I think I have negative views about those parts of myself.

I think part of it is me being self - deprecating. As a child, I felt like being White was bad. That's the sense I got from my schoolmates that mostly were not White. So, since I am multi-racial, and since I was told that you go by what your Dad is, then I just decided to not associate myself with being White. I would always get defensive with my schoolmates and exclaim "I'm not White!" Part of it was an attempt to defend being recognized for all of who I am and not just what I look like. But part of it was me rejecting what I felt was considered bad.

I began my ethnic identity journey in college, with the help of my staff worker. It started with me embracing the Latina side of me. That was good. But now I'm realizing that I also need to embrace the White side of me. This has been challenged in Servant Partners being that our whole class is White and Asian. And I just started going to a mostly Asian, but also White, church. God's begun to expose my prejudices and racism towards Asians as well. I had little exposure to those cultures growing up.

To sum it up, I thought I was sort of bailed out of the hard part of racial reconciliation due to the way I grew up, but I have realized this is not the case. It's true what my staff worker said "Everyone's a racist". And if you think you aren't, then just ask God to show you, if you believe in Him of course. And I can testify that He will.

The Pursuit of Justice

2008-08-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

I just watched Blood Diamond and it reminded me of a conversation with one of the high school girls. I was picking her up from school and she told me they had watched Hotel Rwanda that day. She was freakin' out because she couldn't believe what happened and she felt terrible for not doing anything to help. She proceeded to ask me what she could do to help "Save Dar fur" because we had talked about that before and it's a similar modern day situation. We discussed some and I told her I'd get back to her. I was hoping to come up with some very practical ways to get involved. I'm excited she was so interested since we had discussed social justice a lot in bible study. But I've been busy and haven't researched on the updated Dar fur situation, or how to get involved. Part of me feels like a bad bible study leader because she's seeking answers and I'm not being faithful to help in the process. But part of me is trying to have mercy on myself because my plate is pretty full. So maybe y'all can help.

Does anyone have any ideas of what I can tell this girl? I know it's very complicated, but I don't feel like I have any good answers. I'd also like them to do something practical to put into practice what we've discussed. Something like Samaritan's Purse, but that's more dealing with poverty and not civil war. Although I know it'd be good. Ideas anyone?

Going into Law

2008-08-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

My co-worker put in her 2 weeks recently and explained she's joining LAPD, you know, to become a cop. This led to a discussion about how I've always wanted to wear a cop uniform for one day. I've thought about law enforcement, but a few things draw me away from it. It's either boring or intense. But I still wanted to know about the process of joining LAPD. Then two people told me they could see me being a cop, including my boss. And I told my boss how a lot of the action movies I own happen to be movies involving guns (The GodFather, Donnie Brasco, Mission Impossible, Mercury Rising, The Goodfellas). For some reason I'm really attracted to these types of movies.

This made me think about how God has kind of been brewing law in me. My neighbor that just moved was going to the academy to become a cop. He was interested in working with gangs. This super intrigued me and led to a series of questions. This brewing started at Urbana when a lady spoke on the International Justice Mission (IJM). So I discussed with my boss how maybe joining the FBI or IJM would be a better fit for me. Hmmm, I don't know, just something I've noticed has come up a lot. I guess only time will tell.

Also thrown into the mix is how I've wanted to get my Master's in Social Work. I was discussing this with my co-worker who has his MSW. He seems to think I would be good at it due to the job I have now. It'll be interesting to see how all the pieces come together in the end. As of right now, I really don't know what the future holds, I just have some inklings!

God ministering through music

2008-08-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

God has been ministering to me through these songs as well (basically Kirk Franklin's whole Hero CD and Derek Webb's Mockingbird CD):
Let it Go - it inspired me to write my own testimony and then just let the past go.
Imagine Me - inspires me to have hope.
Afterawhile - more hope.
Without You - just makes me appreciate having God in my life.
My enemies are men like me - a reminder to love
Rich young ruler - a reminder of why I moved to CA
A new law - a reminder for me to not be apathetic

First Love

2008-08-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here's another song through which God has been ministering to me. Especially the part where it says God is able to heal if you listen. And He'll show you His will if you listen. But you gotta be still and just listen. God spoke to me a couple weekends ago when I was sabbathing (taking a day to rest and spend with God) about how I am still in a season of healing.

Part of me is frustrated because I can't function in the ways I'd like. He showed me how with the back pains I've been having that part of healing is not being able to function in ways I typically can. It's the same for the emotional healing I'm going through. I feel like God has been reassuring me in this season. Part of me also has wondered if there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I felt like God was saying "yes" there is. I had my first session with my counselor yesterday. It went better than I expected. I definitely felt God's presence and I almost cried 3-4 times. But I feel like He is beckoning me to "come back to [my] first love" and He can heal me if I just be still and listen. I get so busy, I forget to stop and listen. God ministers to me through music a lot! I'm realizing that due to me being introverted I have to take introverted time. My boss at work has inspired me in this and how important it is.

Purity

2008-08-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

As I've been struggling to have pure thoughts, this song is has really ministered to me. It reminds me of God's jealous love for me and how He feels when I "prostitute" myself with impure thoughts. There are a lot of ways that we as people "prostitute" ourselves and seek attention and love in the wrong ways. And this song is like God saying you don't have to do that, you don't have to put on that red light or wear that dress tonight. It's God expressing his jealous love, how his heart cries to the point where it's more than He can stand. Wow!! And how I need to believe God when He says He loves me. I struggle with that sometimes. The song says Roxanne, but I imagine God saying Diamante. I've listened to it several times to try and get the truths to sink deep into my heart! The red dress she's wearing reminds me of the blood of Jesus that covers all my sins!! I love the way God speaks to me! We have a special relationship! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqm3Fxa1SoQ

Pro-Life

2008-07-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I've heard my father say many times "This is life giving!" with his Ricky Ricardo Spanish accent. He would say it any time it rained, he was in nature, or all the family was together etc. So I've wondered about the definition of life and what it means to be pro-life (a very contraversial term).
For me, I don't think I experienced real life until I became a Christian. I was really a walking dead person. So what was it that gave me life. I think knowing there was a God who deeply loved me, experiencing hope, answered prayer, and the Holy Spirit. People investing in my life: shepherding me, teaching me basic life skills such as money management, how to study in college, how to cook, conflict resolution, family reconciliation, forgiveness. People helping me when money was tight: offering me clothes, furniture, or providing me with dinner. The government giving me loans and financial aid so I could afford school, housing, and bills. People praying for me and giving me advice when I didn't know what to do. People showing me how to do a resume, what to say and not to say in an interview...the list goes on.
So I have begun to wonder if hypothetically the law changes and abortion becomes illegal, will the babies really be born into life or will they be born into a dead world with walking dead people. As Shane Claiborne put it "Life does not begin at conception and end at birth." That's not to say they should not be given a chance, that I'm against there being a law against it, or that God can't redeem any situation. But I've had to re-evaluate what I mean when I say pro-life. I've realized that I have to be careful of a single issue becoming an idol in my life and therefore, neglecting so many other issues that also constitute life. Not that I don't care and pray about the abortion law. But I need to be weary of it becoming an idol and paralyzing me from bringing life in so many other ways to not only the unborn, but to those that are already "living".

There are no deer in LA

2008-07-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

The other day I was driving home down the winding 110 freeway. It was a bit dark and there were less cars than usual. Then I forgot where I was. I thought I was back home in rural San Antonio, TX driving home from my parents. It must have been the dark, winding, carless freeway that threw me off. Then I began to freak out and was looking for deer that may run across the road. I slowed down a bit. I finally remembered I was in busy LA. I told my roommate and we laughed about it. There are no animals to worry about on these freeways. Right after that I thought I saw a rabbit running across the freeway before I realized it was a white plastic bag. I guess my mind had not made the shift yet.

The Sweetest Job Ever

2008-07-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

The other day after coming home from a day at Universal Studios with some kids from my work, I started to reflect on why my job is the sweetest job ever. If it weren't for all my challenging jobs then I don't think I'd appreciate this one as much. Something as simple as a lunch break means so much to me. Here's my list that actually could be longer, but I didn't want to really bore anyone:

-I get to create my schedule
-I get to work "normal" hours (9-5)
-If Iwant to sleep in a day or two I can (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get a lunch break
-My lunch break can be as short or as long as I want it (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-If I'm tired, I can take a break (even a quick nap without being disturbed)
-I get to play lots of games (uno, chess, connect four, chuttes and ladders etc)
-I get to go fun places (Universal Studios, the beach, the movies, Jamba Juice etc) for free
-I get paid when I go on vacation
-I can take one day off every two weeks (as long as I work 80 hours in two weeks)
-Everyday is different
-I can make personal phone calls without getting yelled at
-I get to dress casually and choose my own outfits
-I don't have to sit or stand all the time
-I get to speak Spanish
-I get to help ADHD kids learn impulse control
-I get to help kids learn anger management
-I get to see the fruit of my labor
-I get good health insurance
-I get some holidays off
-I get to help people access resources and navigate difficult life circumstances
-I get paid enough that I don't live beyond my means
-I actually like my supervisors and co-workers (although my supervisor just put in his two weeks notice-very sad )
-My birthday is actually recognized and celebrated
-I can leave work early if I want to (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get to be a part of breaking generational cycles (such as helping a high schooler graduate)
-I'm treated as a person with a personality and opionions/input that matters (not a robot)
-I get food for free at times (believe it or not when I worked in the food industry I was a lot less likely to get free food. It's considered employee theft.)
-My mental health matters to my supervisors and is actually taken into consideration (I'm not expected to be super women and pretend everything is okay when it's not)
-My co-workers are people that care about people and go out of their way at times for each other instead of taking advantage of peoples kindness
-I get to listen to my music sometimes
-I get to be indoors and outdoors
-I actually like promoting our services unlike when I worked at a restaurant and fast food joint
-I get to help people learn healthy habits

When I went to college, there were a lot of people that wanted a job where they could make a lot of money. I just wanted a job where I would be happy, but I was skeptical of this actually being possible. A lot of people warned me of going into the field I chose (Social Work) because they say it's hard, people get burned out, and you don't make much money. Now I'm glad I didn't listen to other people, but listened to God and pursued the things that make me happiest which is helping other people. This organization is good about protecting people from burn out and the money is better than I thought. I don't know about my future, but I trust God.

My back

2008-07-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I sent out a prayer request for my back. I was having extreme pain for extended periods of time. There were several days that I was pretty debilitated because just about every movement hurt. My back had been an on going problem for some time.

The awesome news it that the day after I sent out my prayer request, my back was feeling better and it's been a steady increase sense. I've had several days now that I don't feel pain! Praise the Lord!! There are still times it hurts, but I'm thankful to be able to function. Plus, God has been using my back issues to speak to deeper rooted emotional issues. So I'm thankful for God speaking to me as well. Thanks everyone who prayed.

By the way, this is also why I have not posted anything in a while. Typing can really hurt my back. But I'm comin' back around, thanks to God!!

Articulation

2008-05-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

The other night I made my rounds picking up the high school girls for bible study. One of the girls brother, Andy, was with her and it was going to be too difficult to coordinate getting him to the guys bible study, so I said it was fine if he came with us this week, but that he should work it out to go with the guys the next week.

I was going to have to lead this bible study by myself because the other two leaders had other obligations. I was tired and had felt sick earlier on in the day. It started with Andy trying to sit next to the other girls. Then he made a comment about how he would take one of the girls home and spend the night with her. I just gave him a look and shook my head. Finally, he leaned forward and rubbed one of the girls arms and said 'Hey Baby!" That was it I couldn't take it anymore. So I snapped at him and said something to the effect of "If you don't stop we're not going to let you come with us ever again" in an angry tone. He said "It was just a joke." and I said "Well, it's not funny!" in a pretty harsh tone. I'm not one to typically act out of anger or to lay down a rule and not explain it, but in that moment I did not know how to articulate why this was so important to me. There wasn't much talking in the car after that. I suddenly felt empathy for parents who try to discipline their kids in the best way they know how. But I never liked it when people had rules and didn't explain them.

When we got to my apartment, Andy asked "You don't like the way I talk to girls?" in a seriously inquisitive tone. At this point I knew I had to try and articulate my thoughts and feelings. It's quite possible that this behavior has been acceptable in all of his realms of influence. Perhaps his family does it, his peers at school do it, the music he listens to promotes it, the TV and billboards also make it seem acceptable and maybe his teachers have never caught him or corrected him. So it's possible that he really didn't know what was wrong with it. So I said something like "Well, the comments you made were sexually insinuating and a lot of times women are treated like sex objects and not for the what they really have to offer." I'm not sure that was the best explanation. Maybe there were too many big words. But he didn't ask anymore questions after that and stopped making comments.

After this experience, I realized how the ability to articulate rules, morals and values is important to parenting (and other roles over children). A lot of times kids get confused by the rules, don't understand their boundaries, and get inconsistent discipline. These are a few reasons why they may act out. There's been a few times I've wanted to be critical of certain parenting styles. For example, when a parent yells at a baby for doing something it didn't know it shouldn't do. But in this moment, I realized how difficult parenting could be. It's not always easy to know how to explain to a kid why a rule is there or why certain boundaries exist. You just want them to do what you say and do it now. But nonetheless, I feel like articulating my thoughts and feelings about a particular rule or boundary is important. It's not only easier, but in fact desirable to follow a rule when you actually understand its purpose. And I'm hoping to not only instill in these youth rules, but values that they can also take ownership of.

When I've thought of the 'have's' and the 'have nots' I don't think I had "ability to articulate rules, boundaries, morals, and values" on the list. But I think this is yet another skill that not everyone has been taught, which can affect the decisions people make. Yeah, some people straight up sin knowing what they are doing is wrong. But others I think just don't know and it's one of my roles to figure out how to articulate certain things to them.

Pessimist, Optimist, or is it Hope?

2008-05-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

I remember when I was in high school there was a sticker we had on a wall in our house that said "Optimist - Good Morning God! Pessimist - Good God, it's morning!" I always wanted to be more of an optimist and in those days when I began to discover God's role in my life more and more my optimism was boosted for a season. I remember one of my classmates wrote me a note one day saying "thanks for teaching me to always look at the bright side of things."

However, I wouldn't say that I'm much of an optimist today. I've noticed that I tend to see the negative side of situations often. I think the shift in my attitude can somewhat be attributed to confronting the injustices and realities of the world we live in. Yet, does this mean I should always choose to see these negatives? Is it okay that when I walk through Pasadena High School what I notice is all the kids ditching, talking about smokin', making out, and cussing each other out?

I feel like my roommate is a great example of an optimistic person. She knows how to see the good in any situation. I was really starting to get mad at myself for feeling like too much of a pessimist. But at the same time I felt like I was not keepin' it real if I was optimistic. I felt like I was pretending things were good when they were not.

Then my roommate told me what one of the other interns said to her. He said something to the effect of "I don't think Christians are called to be optimists nor pessimists. We are called to have hope." We are called to have hope..hmmm. Now that, I think I can accept. So it's not that I shouldn't see the ugliness and negativity of some situations nor that I shouldn't find the already existing positive within those situations, but instead, I should recognize the negatives and positives and have hope that change can happen. Hope that God can move, God can intervene, and justice can be administered.

“I’m a teenager I’m not supposed to be answering these questions!”

2008-05-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

I got to join my co-leader of the high-school bible study as she took out one of the high school girls, Carlisha, for discipleship. Northwest Neighbors has a value of not only having a structured bible study for the kids to learn and discuss, but to also invest one-on-one in theirs lives. Carlisha has seemed to take a liking to me ever since I offered to give her a ride home one night. She seems to think my roommate and I are “cool”. She and her mentor, Karen, have invited me to join them on several occasions, but I’ve always had other plans. So I finally made it a point to meet with them.

After bible study that week I had asked Carlisha about the gangs in the neighborhood because I heard she was quite educated on them. She got excited to share about them with me as it’s a large part of her daily experience. She told me the names of the gangs, their boundaries, what colors they wear, how to know if they’ll shoot you or not, and so on. I asked her what percent of her friends were in gangs and she said 75%. Wow!! Carlisha herself isn’t in a gang and she has managed to gain respect from many gang members to the point that they won’t mess with her.

God has really put this young girl on my heart and I’m beginning to see how God could really use her. At one point when we were meeting with Carlisha she said “I’m not used to having people asking me how I’m doing. I’m used to always helping everyone else out.” We were trying to convince her that she can make a difference in society because she had trouble seeing that. She began to tell us how it is difficult for her because people come to her with some crazy situations. She gave us a couple examples: A Black girl is dating a Mexican and gets pregnant. Her mom hates Mexicans and her boyfriend’s dad hates Blacks. Does she have the baby knowing her mom will hate her or does she abort it? OR a girl has syphilis and gets pregnant, should she have the baby? Then Carlisha said “I’m a teenager I’m not supposed to be answering these questions.” All in all, it was a cool night. I feel like Carlisha is willing to learn, she just needs people to teach her. We were able to talk about privilege, global poverty, spending less to give more, enabling vs. empowering, catching someone a fish vs. teaching someone to fish, and how Carlisha can and is making a difference in people’s lives, in her school and in her neighborhood. To her she was just telling her gang bangin’ friends to go to class, but we helped her see that even though that seemed small, her friend being in class could save a life. I’m thankful God has allowed me to be a part of Carlisha’s life. I’m just asking God now, how do I equip and empower her to continue making a difference because her gang bangin’ friends aren’t going to be talking to me everyday and God has put her in this position for such a time as this. Now, to get her to see that!

Racism in a New Context

2008-05-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

So I’ve studied race relations in school and I’ve had discussions and seminars on it through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, but it’s been interesting for me to talk about race relations through the lens of high school girls in my neighborhood. In school and through InterVarsity it was a matter of convincing us that we should not be color blind, racism still exists, culture is a beautiful creation of God and that it may take intentionality on our part to break through barriers and cross racial lines. My learning was more about being an advocate, using my privilege to help others, not stereotyping, and being intentional in making friends with other races.

But with the high school girls, the subject of racism is a whole other ball game. They do not question whether racism exists. They have lots of stories and experiences to share where they were the victim. They know that with each race there comes a culture that can not be ignored, they’re clashing all the time at school. However, one of the high school girls many questions is what’s the difference between wisdom and racism? If they’ve had experiences where a particular race is prone to commit a particular crime against their race, then is it straight up dumb for them to not be racist and then end up getting jacked for their stuff, beat up, or shot because they were trying to do the right thing. Of course, we continued to challenge them in not assuming that because one person of a particular race commits an offense against them, that everyone of that race is dangerous. But living in this neighborhood where there are gangs of different races, the streets are racially segregated, and violence happens between races, I am now challenged to wrestle with racism in a different way than I had before. The high school girls don’t want to wrongly assume someone is a criminal because of the way they look, but they want to know at what point do they cross the line of stupidity in which they’re not preventing a situation that could have been prevented if they had followed their assumption. The issue of racism is complicated by the realities of the neighborhood. And our challenge in bible study is to navigate these complicated issues and questions while standing on the Word of God no matter the context.

Going Green?

2008-05-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

It’s a pretty funny story to all the people in California, but to my Texas folk maybe you’ll understand. This past summer I helped staff the Bay Area Urban Project (BAyUP) in California and the director of the project sent out an e-mail with some directions on it.

He said “BAyUP is going green this year, so each house bring you’re own plates to meal times.”

I read the sentence like 5 times and then had to call the director. “Josh, I’m a bit confused. So do you want us to bring green plates? Why do we need to bring colored plates? ”

Yeah, I know. All you California folk think that’s pretty funny. But until I’m came to California, I had no clue what going green meant. Josh, the director, chuckled and had grace enough to explain to me that going green is a phrase used to say being environmentally friendly and it had nothing to do with the color of the plates we bring to meal times. By bringing our own plates to meal times, we don’t create more trash with paper and plastic plates. It wasn’t until I actually came to California that I understood what the phrase meant because now I see it all over the place.

Texas is quite a ways behind in jumping on this band wagon. But I hear reusable shopping bags are catching on there. Well, the problem of consumption, creation of trash, and the impact all of these have on the environment and other people is quite complicated. So here is a link that takes this politically, economically, and sociologically complicated problem and puts it in simpler terms through illustrations and showing the big picture. It’s about 20 minutes long, but worth every minute. 20 minutes to explain a very complicated matter, that’s not bad. And here is a follow up link of ways to do something about the problem. I have found simplification of the problem to be helpful in these early stages of me trying to understand it. I hope it helps others out there in understanding it also.

What’s going on in Pasadena?

2008-05-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested in the major problems Pasadena (where I live) is facing, here’s a link.

http://www.pasadenahope.org/communitysurvey.html I enjoyed the 13min video presentation.

Being a Bridge

2008-05-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 2006 when I was in Manila, Philippines, I received a clear calling from God that I was to be a bridge. A bridge between races, cultures, economic classes, and so on. This calling was just a continuation of the ethnic identity journey I have been on. A few years back, my staff worker and mentor for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship helped me begin this journey of learning to embrace all of who I am ethnically. If I only embrace the white side of me, then I am denying the Latina side of me. And if I only embrace the Latina side of me, I deny the white side. So it’s not either/or it’s and/both. Being bi-racial and trying to embrace all of who I am can be a difficult task. I have to see the value, strengths, and weaknesses of both sides. Unless I’m around other bi-racial folk of my same make up, I really don’t fully fit it with either crowd.

There were many things I liked about Obama’s speech on “A More Perfect Union”, which you can listen to here. But I think what I really liked is seeing someone who is bi-racial trying to navigate the issue. I haven’t seen to many examples of people being a bridge especially through the nature of their birth. My roommate is quite aware of this and has advocated for us bi-racial folk in this way, but I don’t like when people refer to Obama as only black. He’s not just black. He’s not just white. He’s both. It’s difficult to live in that tension sometimes. But I’m glad God made me the way I am. I embody reconciliation. The task is in living it out daily. Being a bridge daily. And I’m thankful for others who help lead the way!