Grocery Store Adventure...Embracing Culture and Christmas

So my roommate decided she wanted to make jambalaya for Christmas and she was going to have to work during the day so I agreed to go shopping for what she needed. I knew the stores would be closed on Christmas so this was my only chance. It was the day before Christmas.

Little did I know that I did not know what half the items on the list were. So I am standing in the aisle looking for peeled plum tomatoes and decided to ask the African American lady next to me if she knew what they were. She wasn't sure either, so I told her it was for jambalaya. Then she told me exactly what to get. Feeling confident that she may know what the other items were I went on to ask her what scallions were. She was super nice and told me where to find them. Then I asked her what worcestershine sauce was. She said "I'm gonna help you with that whole shopping list ain't I!" with a smile. She could tell I had no idea what these things were.

I proceeded to find the items she told me about. When I came to the scallions, I had to ask another lady cuz I couldn't find them. She described what they looked like and told me to ask the stocker. I asked him and he said they didn't sell them anymore. As I was walking away, a white guy came up to me and handed me what I call green onions and said "These are scallions" with a smile. The older African American lady next to me said, the stocker guy probably didn't know cuz we call them green onions. I saw the first lady I talked to near by greeting the lady that told me to talk to the stocker about the scallions and double checked to see if they were scallions and they said scallions are bigger, but they are the same thing. I ran into these ladies 2-3 more times and every time they said "What else you need help with, what else you got on that list?" in a very kind and excited to help kind of way. I felt so cared for by these ladies that they took joy in helping me find all the ingredients. I found myself smiling big trying to hold back my laughter as I was shopping feeling utterly dependent on the people around me. I find great joy in learning cultures and love the excitement people have to share their culture.

People have said that people can be grumpy and impatient around the holidays, but this day people were very nice and even taking time out to help me. The cashier was telling me with a big smile how excited she was to be off for Christmas and get off early. I could feel the joy radiating from her. As I was leaving the parking lot I let an older African American lady pass by and I said "Merry Christmas!" She said "Thank you and a Merry Christmas to you too!" with a very upbeat attitude. It felt good to experience people in such good spirits.

Finally!!

When I was a sophomore in college, God put it on my heart to move to the city and live incarnationally among the poor and marginalized. While in college, I tried to be involved in city stuff but I lived 30 - 45 minutes outside the city and had too many other commitments including graduating from college. So I tried to care for students in my college coming from poorer backgrounds instead. After I graduated, I knew it wasn't a wise move to live by myself in the city. I didn't know anyone to model it for me nor that would be willing to join me. So I felt led by God to join Servant Partners thinking I'd finally be able to do what I wanted to do for the 3 years prior. But I was wrong. I ended up living on the corner of two main streets, not in a neighborhood, on church property, and surrounded by church members and seminary students for the majority of my stay. What the heck, God! Not only that, but the internship was so heavy on the studying scripture end that even if I had time to invest in any kind of neighborhood ministry I was too tired. I was expecting to be challenged in caring for the poor in my neighborhood, but instead I was challenged in how long I can engage in scripture study before I was spent and how many books I can read.

FINALLY, I will be moving into a neighborhood and I will be able to do what I've been wanting to do for the last 5 years now. Wow, was that a journey to get to. As I talked to a friend about our housing situation, I found out they had been looking for better housing for us for 6 months and that was our only option. The frustrating part was that housing opened up in the neighborhood a week after we signed the contract. I'm excited that I'm finally able to move into the neighborhood if all goes well. But I'm still asking God what to do with the last two years and how long it took me to get here.

Storing up Treasures in Heaven

I'm rewinding to before I left for Mexico. Northwest Neighbors, an organization that does bible study for at-risk youth in the neighborhood, had a volunteer appreciation night. To my surprise, they were actually honoring the work I had done with them over the two past years. So each of the youth I invested in shared about why they appreciate me. I knew they appreciated me, but I didn't know just how much. Some of the comments that stuck out to me was that one of them really appreciated my insights in bible study and always wanted to hear what I had to say. One of the other girls commented on how I was the only positive role model for a friend that she has. She also affirmed me in that I am not afraid to be myself.

It was cool to hear from them that the time I was investing in them was making a difference in their lives. It reminded me of the scripture that talks about storing up treasures in heaven instead of treasures on earth. It reaffirmed my decision to move into this neighborhood and give up all the "things" I could have such as a really nice home, really nice car, in a really nice neighborhood. The treasures in heaven I am storing up feel so much more rewarding and worth it than those on earth.

Forgiving Ignorance

I had a revelation the other night. I went to a free concert in the park in Pasadena. The performer was an Asian, folk singer from Austin, TX. At one point between songs she was talking to entertain the audience and used the word "y'all" in reference to the audience. One of the guys in the audience began to scream "y'all" repeatedly in a teasing and demeaning way. I felt this anger well up inside of me.

I've had this happen to me many times. My initial response it to get really angry at that guy and then my mind wonders to all the Californians that have done that to me and I want to get angry at all Californians. (As progressive and liberal as Californias are I don't understand why saying y'all is such big deal. It's expresses gender equality better than "you guys". ) Then my mind shifted to all the stares I got in Mexico and the anger that created (now that I think about it, maybe they were just wondering who the new neighbor was).

I began to pray and ask God how to have a healthy response to this comment and those stares. There are some common threads that run through these experiences: one is being misunderstood by others and two is ignorance. Then I remembered what the black student that went to Cairo said how we have to forgive, but I realized in that moment that what I'm forgiving is ignorance. Jesus understood forgiving ignorance. Some of his last words on the cross were "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do." Now that is amazing grace! I'm glad that at least Jesus understands!

Media...why don't we do something?

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When do I get off?

Each time I've gone out of country to large cities and have experienced the public transportation there, I have to remember how to know when to get off the bus, jeepney, or micro. It is actually a bit of a challenge to find a unique landmark that let's you know this is your stop. The first time, I picked a big yellow bank because I thought it was rare. Then I saw many big, yellow banks and my landmark was a failure. It's not like in the states where they call out the street name or something. You just have to know. Now that was a fun challenge when it was dark, raining, the windows were fogged up, I was sitting in a row seat, I was sitting on the opposite side of when I initially went, and there were people standing in the aisle blocking my view to the other side. Thankfully, God was with me and I remembered the timing and enough people got off for me to see across the aisle to see the landmark my co-staff had suggested. I got a little wet and muddy due to getting off a little too early, but it could have been worse.

Windy, Dusty

When I was teaching English one day, we were reviewing the seasons (summer, winter, spring, and fall) and I asked them for the weather conditions in each one. They said windy and dusty for all of them. And that is what I experienced being there. I've never experienced so much dust and mud before. I don't believe God intended for people to live on a lake bed where you can't grow anything like trees, flowers, or grass. Yeah, we aren't doing such a great job of having dominion over the earth.

What you starin' at?

As a young kid I went to a majority black school. There were so many times that people snapped at me and said "What you starin' at?" I remember that it bothered me that they got such an attitude and yelled at me. Sometimes I'd say "You!" with some attitude in my defense. Then they'd say "You want me to do something about it?" And I'd hold my head down and whisper, "No.". I never wanted to fight or get in trouble. I honestly think that some of the black kids would dump all the negative experiences that they or their family had with whites on me.

Anyway, walking down the street in Mexico I've gotten many stares. They don't come off as very positive or inviting. I've heard that reaction I used to get as a child in my head "What you starin' at?" But this time it was me saying it. I've felt defensive and upset. On the one hand, I think I understand better the black students responses. I'm sure they got a lot of stares and yes, it's quite unsettling and annoying. On the other hand, I begin to get upset because I consistently feel misunderstood in life. I feel like I get boxed in a lot and I feel like people don't recognize the ethnic and cultural experiences I've had all my life that don't fit in the boxes that are put on "white" people. I'm know I'm guilty of doing the same to others at various points. It reminds me to check myself and my assumptions about people.

After debreifing with some other students that had more extreme experiences in Cairo, Egypt, the comment that stuck out to me the most is that we have to continually forgive and have mercy on others. It's usually ignorance and conditioning that creates those responses.

My Personal Mission Statement

When I was in Mexico City, the team leader for Servant Partners had us write a personal mission statement. It may evolve over time, but this is what I have for now. I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct:

To usher in Shalom efficiently and expediently in my life, family, community, city, nation, and world through being a bridge, using my voice, confronting powers, empowering others with and using my life experiences, ethnic upbringing, power, natural abilities, spiritual gifts, lengual abilities, knowledge, privilege, resources, and connections to benefit, love, serve, and uplift "the least of these", fighting injustice, complacency, apathy, silence, and settling, being an agent of change in society, not limiting myself nor God, periodically reminding myself of those lesser and presenting myself before the Lord open to change and redirection, believing God (with the help of people) can change people, powers, and systems, not limiting myself to any geographical setting, not being afraid to take risks, obeying God, living simply, and upholding Kingdom values in my life, being a vessel and bearer of truth, and above all else seeking to love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, soul, strength, and might and love my neighbor as myself.

Slum Communities...I can have a role

It was cool to realize more and more what I have to offer slum communities after going to Mexico City for six weeks. First of all, being American and choosing to be there lets the people know they have value and are cared for, that I would give up my comfort to be there with them. I never thought speaking English could be so impactful, but the people were so eager to learn correct pronunciation and grammar. The English they get in school is low quality. I guess it makes sense, being able to speak English means access to better jobs. Now I realize what a privilege it is. Being able to connect with different ages and cultures. Because of this people will trust me and choose to listen to what I can offer about God and life. And mediating conflict. If this didn't happen, our kids club could have been a disaster. It was cool to see that God can use me in a different cultural context and that I have a lot to offer (there was more I realized than mentioned here). And I could see what a difference the church and organization I worked with was making in peoples lives as the people realized their value and God's love for them and their community.

But I'm just a stranger

I saw and experienced the love of God in my host family. They invited me, a stranger, into their home and family. They gave me a place to sleep, food to eat, helped me do laundry and dishes, taught me their culture, and tended to my health problems. I was amazed by their openness and sacrifice. I think I got a glimpse of what the disciples must have experienced when they traveled and stayed with strangers. It takes some risk, but is so rewarding beyond my imagination.

Wow, that's a big back yard!

When I first got to Chimalhuacan, Mexico and saw all the dogs (I counted 115 one day on the bus. That was in about 2 miles, 15-20 minutes in slight traffic with a lot of speed bumps. And that's just what I could see.) roaming around, I thought the people were insensitive and didn't care. That was because in America if you see a dog roaming around outside, it's a stray dog. But over time I realized that I was wrong. Even though the dogs were roaming around many (if not most) had owner, names, and some could do tricks. Chimalhuacan was just their huge backyard .

Back Pain saga continued

This is just a continuation of a prior post. I'm keeping track of how ridiculous it has been to take care of my back. So where I left off in the prior post (Healthcare...frustrating) was I was waiting to hear back about my chest x-ray in order to get the MRI. Well, about a week passed and I called the people about three times. One time the doctors was doing an operation and hadn't got around to evaluating my x-ray. The next time the doctor had to make a request to get the actual x-ray and not just a written explanation. The next time, a couple days later, still waiting on the doctor.

Then I went to Mexico for 6 weeks. It was amazing to get healthcare there. I paid 20 bucks, waited 30 minutes, got my x-ray and walked away with it in my hands (I wanted to see if my spine is okay). That was so much easier.

So I came back home to America and called the MRI place. They said they had left a message. I never got it. She said she needed to know how old I was when I had heart surgery, what kind of metal was it and what was the name of the operation. I had already told them the name of the operation about 5 times. I even researched it and sent it to them on e-mail. She claims she never got it. So now, again, I'm waiting... I can't help but say our healthcare system sucks!

25 best things I've ever done

I went out with some co-workers for my birthday and we were talking about what I can do for my 25th birthday. One suggestion was to think of the 25 best things I've ever done(or perhaps the best decisions I've ever made). So here they are:
1. Rode on roller coasters
2.Learned Spanish
3. Learned to dance
4. Went to diverse public schools
5.Spent the summer with my Christian sister, Elena
6.Chose to follow Jesus
7. Broke up with my boyfriend
8. Did well in school
9. Graduated High School
10. Played sports
11. Went to college
12. Chose a college near my sister, Elena and her husband, Steve
13. Joined InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF)
14. Met Michele Blanton
15. Went on the San Antonio Urban Project
16.Changed my major to Sociology
17. Joined the Exec team of IVCF
18. Went on the Global Urban Trek to Manila, Philippines
19. Graduated College
20. Moved to California
21. Lived with Jenny Johnson
22. Joined Living Waters
23. Learned Spanish
24. Taken risks
25. Continued to follow Jesus

Health Care...frustrating

I went to my primary care physician last April because 3 months of chiropractic care was not helping my back after my car accident. I asked to get an MRI and she said we had to try physical therapy first.
So I did that for several weeks and after 8-9 months I tried many things (too many to mention), spent lots of money, and made minimal progress. Finally, I went back to the doctor. She referred me to a pain clinic. I made the appointment and had to get all my medical records for my back which required a few phone calls and special trips. I went there and the doctor said it would take a week to approve the MRI. It got approved and I called to make an appointment.
Then they asked me about my heart surgery I had 12 years ago. She wanted the name of the doctor and where I had it. So I talked to my mom, found out and called back. Then she said I had to get my medical records from them to proceed. So I looked up the hospital and there were like 10 branches of this hospital in Houston. So I picked the one closest to my house growing up. They sent we through 3 automated voice systems until finally I reached a voice mail and had to leave a message. After I didn't hear anything back for a day, I called the main line and the lady gave me the direct number. I told her how I reached a voice mail and the call was not returned. She said to call early in the morning (that's difficult when I'm two hours ahead of them) and then she gave me an alternate phone number. I called the alternate one and got an answer. I explained my situation and the lady told me there's a $42 charge for the first 10 pages and $1.13 for each page after that or I could send it directly to the doctor for free. She said I'd have to sign an authorization either way. So I gave her my fax number and it never came through. I called back and she said she sent it and it was confirmed. We've had trouble with that fax machine so I gave her an alternate one. I went to the office where that one is a few hours later and the secretary said she didn't receive a fax (I had to do this during work because they aren't open before or after I get off-even more frustrating). So I called back and she said I could look it up on-line.
I decided to make sure I had the right hospital. She looked it up and told me I needed to contact a different hospital. I talked to my mom again to find out which hospital specifically. I looked it up on-line and then called the main line. I went through 3 more automated systems and finally reached a real voice. I explained my situation. The lady wanted to know the specific date I had the surgery. Again frustrating since it was when I was young. She told me they only hold records for 10 years but that I could try. I had already decided that I was going to ask the doctor's office to work out faxing the authorization because it was easier for them and I was frustrated. This lady suggested I do that. So I got all the information and called the doctor's office and explained the situation. (In the mean time-3 days after I left it, the other lady returned my call from the voice mail I left). They wanted to know why I couldn't do it. I told them I didn't have a fax and that I was informed that they had the authorization. She begrudgingly agreed to send it, but told me I had to sign the authorization. Thankfully, I had the day off from work and could just drive over there and sign it.
All of this caused much frustration and made my back hurt worse. One month after I went in and started the process to get an MRI, I still have not had one. I'm still waiting to hear back on the medical records dilemma. In the mean time, I'm losing sleep because my back hurts so bad. This is why I'm skeptical of doctors. It's for this very reason that scar tissue built up and created complications in my knee surgery and caused me to lose a lot of cartilage and be advised to never play sports again, not even for fun. I'm having a hard time keeping a positive attitude towards doctors. uurrrggg!
I last wrote on this April 25 and it is now May 23 and still nothing has happened! What has happened. After a week and a half waiting for my records I called to check the status. Of course I had to call to see if the doctor's office received it. That got me passed around and explaining over and over. They didn't receive them. So I had to call the Release of Information place and get passed around and explain again. Finally, a lady verified my name and said your last name is Diamante, right? Wow, was that frustrating. So I corrected her - she still said my name wrong three times before getting off and she said she'd call back. I asked why they had not called me yet and she said she did not have my contact information. So I gave it to her. Three days later, I called again because I had not heard back. She said that they had already shredded my records because the surgery was too long ago. It took two months to tell me that!
So I called the MRI place to let them know. They asked me about the surgery I had. I explained. I even went on line and sent them some links. After a few phone calls, being passed around, explaining, and waiting for them to call me, they said I have to get a chest x-ray. I called the place I went originally to set that up, they were confused by my situation, asked me all these questions and said they'd call back. So the nurse assistant left a message on my phone (that day-thank God) saying they would be sending me a form in the mail with locations and a prescription to get a chest x-ray. I had to wait another 4 fours. Thankfully, the place to get a chest x-ray is on a walk in basis because I couldn't take any more days off of work. Now it's been three days and we are going into a three day weekend and I'm still waiting to hear what's going to happen next. So the back/MRI saga continues....

Leaving LA

If things go as planned I will be leaving LA within the year. I was reflecting over everything else I have to do before I leave. Here is the list thus far (I am only including things I have not yet done), feel free to add your suggestions:
1. Go to a Jay Leno or Ellen show
2. Go to Las Vegas
3. Go to Disney Land (?)
4. Eat Korean Bar B Que
5. Go to some museums on Miracle Mile
6. Go hiking
7. Go to Six Flags (without kids with me)

Healing

After a year and two months of chronic back pain, my understanding of physical pain and God's healing has been evolving. I used to think that if God were going to heal someone it would be instant. If God did not heal someone instantly, I would wonder what went wrong and would be discouraged at times. I might think, did I not have enough faith? Did they not have enough faith? Does God not care or is He not really in the healing business? Now, I think differently!
I've come to realize that there is a role that God can play, that the devil can play, and also that we play. The pain I am experiencing in my back can be attributed to choices I have made that have created the problem. If God were to heal me instantly, I would not change my unhealthy lifestyle patterns. I trust that God is good, that he sees my pain, and that He wants healing for me. I also see the choices I have to make to help the process.
Now, I think when I pray for peoples healing I can have a better understanding of why God might not heal right away. And I do think sometimes there is an emotional and deeper spiritual component to why someone might hava an ailment. I've heard stories about this. The bottom line is it is complicated, but God is good. I think we should be careful of always looking at the spiritual component to an ailment and also look at that persons lifestyle habits or at what else God may be wanting that person to learn from it. Maybe our prayers should not just be let the pain go away, but let them have insight into their problem to know what God is trying to communicate or what they need to change in order to be healed. And ofcourse, the particular ailment makes a difference as well. These are just some of my initial thoughts.