I've been reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne and there is one story he tells that keeps popping up in my head. It goes like this:
I remember hearing an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world and his friend says. " Well, why don't you ask?" The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why he mutters. "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over, when I ask God why all these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet." (page 65)
Wow, what a concept. What if we all internalized that? How would this world be different? Here's another song it reminds me of.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Another thought on Obama as President
So my job is to help kids with behavioral issues. The day after the election, I received a call from one of my kid's teacher saying he was having a bad day and asking if I could come talk to him. So I went to talk to my kid. I took several approaches, but one of them was to try and increase motivation for school.
So I asked him what he wanted to be when he got older and I asked him if he'd want to be President. For a second I thought I needed to take my words back because this was a Black boy. I did not want to instill false hope, unrealistic expectations, or have ignorance about the reality of his future (most Black males go to the cemetery young or go to jail). But then I realized that Barack was just elected and it is possible for a Black male to be President. I felt a sense of relief. I could genuinely ask him that question not wonder if it was too far stretched. And I have someone to point to proving that it is possible. That's pretty exciting!!
So I asked him what he wanted to be when he got older and I asked him if he'd want to be President. For a second I thought I needed to take my words back because this was a Black boy. I did not want to instill false hope, unrealistic expectations, or have ignorance about the reality of his future (most Black males go to the cemetery young or go to jail). But then I realized that Barack was just elected and it is possible for a Black male to be President. I felt a sense of relief. I could genuinely ask him that question not wonder if it was too far stretched. And I have someone to point to proving that it is possible. That's pretty exciting!!
Life Quotes
I was reflecting on all the quotes that have come up several times in my life and thought I'd share a list of some:
- If there is a will there is a way -my dad
- You have to learn to delegate -my dad
- Simba, you deliberately disobeyed me - Lion King
- It's not either/or it's and/both - Michele Blanton
- There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love - Mother Theresa
- We have to learn to disagree well - Shane Claiborne
- If life gives you lime, make limeade - my dad
- It's not right or wrong, it's just different - STIM
- Is what I'm doing, thinking or saying building trust or undermining trust? - STIM
- It's not what you do first, but what you do next - STIM
- Two wrongs don't make a right - don't know
- Treat others as you'd want to be treated - golden rule
- You'll never know until you try - my sister Mari
- Si se puede - soccer team
- You have to listen and obey - Elena and Steve
- Don't give up - my dad's co-worker
- Do not pass the buck - my dad
- This is life giving - my dad
- This is like music to my ears - my dad
- Don't worry, be happy - Lion King, Bob Marley and my dad
Do you have any quotes that have come up a lot in your life?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Elections through different eyes
I just read my roommates blog and her belated post about elections and I was inspired to write a quick blog.
The night of the election I was actually having bible study with the high school girls in the neighborhood who are Black and Latina. It was a pretty intense night. I think the thing that really got me, though, was the reaction a couple of the black high school students had.
When Obama won we were waiting to hear his speech and one of the girls asks "Is this Live?" Our response was "Yes." and she had to ask again " Like live, live!" and so I kinda cracked a joke and was like "Yeah, if Obama trips on the stage we'll see it go down" And then another high school girl followed it with "If he's got wardrobe dysfunction, we'll see him lookin' jacked up!" and we were laughing when I turned and saw the other girl having a concerned look and talking to one of the other high school girls.
Then it clicked! She was worried about Obama getting shot.
My laughter was gone and it saddened me. I'm not sure that would have even crossed my mind if I weren't with them. This was a very real concern. I remembered a prior conversation we had when she said "If a Black person becomes President, he's gonna get shot...what's happened to every Black guy that got somewhere in society!" And I had to acknowledge her concern is actually real. There are still people that hate Blacks enough to shoot them for no good reason. I tried to reassure her by telling her they would have lots of security. And sure enough, later, I saw that there was a huge glass barrier on the stage. I guess they weren't the only ones worried.
After that, I was driving one of the girls home and she freaked out and was like "Oh, no! We forgot to pray for Obama's saftey!" So I was like "Well, we can pray for him now!" She said "No we can't, you can't drive with your eyes closed." I laughed and said "I don't have to pray with my eyes closed." She said "But God won't hear our prayers and it's better with lots of people!" So I explained to her that there was still three of us and He would hear our prayer. The other high school girl joined us and Cheraya led us in prayer for Obama's saftey.
I'm thankful to be in relationship with these girls and I have really appreciated the ways I've been invited into their perspectives and struggles as Blacks in America. It's no wonder Jesus values relationships so much. These are experiences that money cannot buy.
It reminds me of a song by Derek Webb especially the part that says "He says 'More than just your cash and coins, I want your time, Iwant your voice. I want the things you just can't give me."
There are two ways, generally speaking, to invest in the poor and the outcast. One is to give money. And the other is to be in relationship and be a part of their lives (I guess the third is to do both). I, personally, have found being a part of their lives to be very rewarding (although Jesus doesn't promise that -it's more about obediance.) And the story above is one of the many examples of it being rewarding.
The night of the election I was actually having bible study with the high school girls in the neighborhood who are Black and Latina. It was a pretty intense night. I think the thing that really got me, though, was the reaction a couple of the black high school students had.
When Obama won we were waiting to hear his speech and one of the girls asks "Is this Live?" Our response was "Yes." and she had to ask again " Like live, live!" and so I kinda cracked a joke and was like "Yeah, if Obama trips on the stage we'll see it go down" And then another high school girl followed it with "If he's got wardrobe dysfunction, we'll see him lookin' jacked up!" and we were laughing when I turned and saw the other girl having a concerned look and talking to one of the other high school girls.
Then it clicked! She was worried about Obama getting shot.
My laughter was gone and it saddened me. I'm not sure that would have even crossed my mind if I weren't with them. This was a very real concern. I remembered a prior conversation we had when she said "If a Black person becomes President, he's gonna get shot...what's happened to every Black guy that got somewhere in society!" And I had to acknowledge her concern is actually real. There are still people that hate Blacks enough to shoot them for no good reason. I tried to reassure her by telling her they would have lots of security. And sure enough, later, I saw that there was a huge glass barrier on the stage. I guess they weren't the only ones worried.
After that, I was driving one of the girls home and she freaked out and was like "Oh, no! We forgot to pray for Obama's saftey!" So I was like "Well, we can pray for him now!" She said "No we can't, you can't drive with your eyes closed." I laughed and said "I don't have to pray with my eyes closed." She said "But God won't hear our prayers and it's better with lots of people!" So I explained to her that there was still three of us and He would hear our prayer. The other high school girl joined us and Cheraya led us in prayer for Obama's saftey.
I'm thankful to be in relationship with these girls and I have really appreciated the ways I've been invited into their perspectives and struggles as Blacks in America. It's no wonder Jesus values relationships so much. These are experiences that money cannot buy.
It reminds me of a song by Derek Webb especially the part that says "He says 'More than just your cash and coins, I want your time, Iwant your voice. I want the things you just can't give me."
There are two ways, generally speaking, to invest in the poor and the outcast. One is to give money. And the other is to be in relationship and be a part of their lives (I guess the third is to do both). I, personally, have found being a part of their lives to be very rewarding (although Jesus doesn't promise that -it's more about obediance.) And the story above is one of the many examples of it being rewarding.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Come What May
I will love the Lord, come what may! I will love Him until my dying day! (her stage name is Sparkling Diamond...hmmm!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZgMcgqveCM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVAoKTKFDzU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZgMcgqveCM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVAoKTKFDzU&feature=related
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Racial Reconciliation: The Tables Turn
I've been experiencing this tension when it comes to racial reconciliation. It's funny what God can bring up when we really open our hearts to letting him show us the ugliness. So, I've had this recent discovery. When my InterVarsity fellowship used to discuss racial reconciliation, I would always see myself as the White girl being reconciled to everyone else.
Even though, I've tried hard to cling to my Latina roots and embrace that side of me as well, I think I'm usually perceived as White by people. And so the looking glass self theory (I think that's what it's called) proves to be true for me. The way I think others perceive me is the way I tend to perceive myself.
So when my fellowship would have discussions on race and reconciliation, it always felt pretty easy for me. I grew up in a school that was 5% white. I actually feel more comfortable around non-whites (mostly Latinos and Blacks since I had the most exposure to them). So I just thought, oh, this is easy, I can be reconcilied to these other people no problem because I have all kinds of friends of different races.
However, as the years have passed, God has been exposing the not-so-pretty parts of my heart. Little by little I've begun to realize that the people I need to be reconciled to are not only the Blacks, Latinos, Asians and so on (I still have much to learn about these cultures/races), but in fact the White people. I still remember when me and my friends growing up went to this particular movie theater that was in the nicer part of town. It was around the time The Sixth Sense came out. When we got to the theater, there were White people everywhere. My friends and I joked and said "I see White people!". A bit scared at first. I also remember this awkwardness when I started college since my college was 50% White. It really threw me off at first. It was culture shock.
God has done some work on me in this area. Having friends and family of the races you need to have reconciliation with is really helpful. But I know I still have a ways to go. I just think this was a somewhat interesting discovery for me since I think I'm usually perceived as White, there are ways that I function that are more of a White thing, and I am part White. But I think I have negative views about those parts of myself.
I think part of it is me being self - deprecating. As a child, I felt like being White was bad. That's the sense I got from my schoolmates that mostly were not White. So, since I am multi-racial, and since I was told that you go by what your Dad is, then I just decided to not associate myself with being White. I would always get defensive with my schoolmates and exclaim "I'm not White!" Part of it was an attempt to defend being recognized for all of who I am and not just what I look like. But part of it was me rejecting what I felt was considered bad.
I began my ethnic identity journey in college, with the help of my staff worker. It started with me embracing the Latina side of me. That was good. But now I'm realizing that I also need to embrace the White side of me. This has been challenged in Servant Partners being that our whole class is White and Asian. And I just started going to a mostly Asian, but also White, church. God's begun to expose my prejudices and racism towards Asians as well. I had little exposure to those cultures growing up.
To sum it up, I thought I was sort of bailed out of the hard part of racial reconciliation due to the way I grew up, but I have realized this is not the case. It's true what my staff worker said "Everyone's a racist". And if you think you aren't, then just ask God to show you, if you believe in Him of course. And I can testify that He will.
Even though, I've tried hard to cling to my Latina roots and embrace that side of me as well, I think I'm usually perceived as White by people. And so the looking glass self theory (I think that's what it's called) proves to be true for me. The way I think others perceive me is the way I tend to perceive myself.
So when my fellowship would have discussions on race and reconciliation, it always felt pretty easy for me. I grew up in a school that was 5% white. I actually feel more comfortable around non-whites (mostly Latinos and Blacks since I had the most exposure to them). So I just thought, oh, this is easy, I can be reconcilied to these other people no problem because I have all kinds of friends of different races.
However, as the years have passed, God has been exposing the not-so-pretty parts of my heart. Little by little I've begun to realize that the people I need to be reconciled to are not only the Blacks, Latinos, Asians and so on (I still have much to learn about these cultures/races), but in fact the White people. I still remember when me and my friends growing up went to this particular movie theater that was in the nicer part of town. It was around the time The Sixth Sense came out. When we got to the theater, there were White people everywhere. My friends and I joked and said "I see White people!". A bit scared at first. I also remember this awkwardness when I started college since my college was 50% White. It really threw me off at first. It was culture shock.
God has done some work on me in this area. Having friends and family of the races you need to have reconciliation with is really helpful. But I know I still have a ways to go. I just think this was a somewhat interesting discovery for me since I think I'm usually perceived as White, there are ways that I function that are more of a White thing, and I am part White. But I think I have negative views about those parts of myself.
I think part of it is me being self - deprecating. As a child, I felt like being White was bad. That's the sense I got from my schoolmates that mostly were not White. So, since I am multi-racial, and since I was told that you go by what your Dad is, then I just decided to not associate myself with being White. I would always get defensive with my schoolmates and exclaim "I'm not White!" Part of it was an attempt to defend being recognized for all of who I am and not just what I look like. But part of it was me rejecting what I felt was considered bad.
I began my ethnic identity journey in college, with the help of my staff worker. It started with me embracing the Latina side of me. That was good. But now I'm realizing that I also need to embrace the White side of me. This has been challenged in Servant Partners being that our whole class is White and Asian. And I just started going to a mostly Asian, but also White, church. God's begun to expose my prejudices and racism towards Asians as well. I had little exposure to those cultures growing up.
To sum it up, I thought I was sort of bailed out of the hard part of racial reconciliation due to the way I grew up, but I have realized this is not the case. It's true what my staff worker said "Everyone's a racist". And if you think you aren't, then just ask God to show you, if you believe in Him of course. And I can testify that He will.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Pursuit of Justice
I just watched Blood Diamond and it reminded me of a conversation with one of the high school girls. I was picking her up from school and she told me they had watched Hotel Rwanda that day. She was freakin' out because she couldn't believe what happened and she felt terrible for not doing anything to help. She proceeded to ask me what she could do to help "Save Dar fur" because we had talked about that before and it's a similar modern day situation. We discussed some and I told her I'd get back to her. I was hoping to come up with some very practical ways to get involved. I'm excited she was so interested since we had discussed social justice a lot in bible study. But I've been busy and haven't researched on the updated Dar fur situation, or how to get involved. Part of me feels like a bad bible study leader because she's seeking answers and I'm not being faithful to help in the process. But part of me is trying to have mercy on myself because my plate is pretty full. So maybe y'all can help.
Does anyone have any ideas of what I can tell this girl? I know it's very complicated, but I don't feel like I have any good answers. I'd also like them to do something practical to put into practice what we've discussed. Something like Samaritan's Purse, but that's more dealing with poverty and not civil war. Although I know it'd be good. Ideas anyone?
Does anyone have any ideas of what I can tell this girl? I know it's very complicated, but I don't feel like I have any good answers. I'd also like them to do something practical to put into practice what we've discussed. Something like Samaritan's Purse, but that's more dealing with poverty and not civil war. Although I know it'd be good. Ideas anyone?
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Going into Law
My co-worker put in her 2 weeks recently and explained she's joining LAPD, you know, to become a cop. This led to a discussion about how I've always wanted to wear a cop uniform for one day. I've thought about law enforcement, but a few things draw me away from it. It's either boring or intense. But I still wanted to know about the process of joining LAPD. Then two people told me they could see me being a cop, including my boss. And I told my boss how a lot of the action movies I own happen to be movies involving guns (The GodFather, Donnie Brasco, Mission Impossible, Mercury Rising, The Goodfellas). For some reason I'm really attracted to these types of movies.
This made me think about how God has kind of been brewing law in me. My neighbor that just moved was going to the academy to become a cop. He was interested in working with gangs. This super intrigued me and led to a series of questions. This brewing started at Urbana when a lady spoke on the International Justice Mission (IJM). So I discussed with my boss how maybe joining the FBI or IJM would be a better fit for me. Hmmm, I don't know, just something I've noticed has come up a lot. I guess only time will tell.
Also thrown into the mix is how I've wanted to get my Master's in Social Work. I was discussing this with my co-worker who has his MSW. He seems to think I would be good at it due to the job I have now. It'll be interesting to see how all the pieces come together in the end. As of right now, I really don't know what the future holds, I just have some inklings!
This made me think about how God has kind of been brewing law in me. My neighbor that just moved was going to the academy to become a cop. He was interested in working with gangs. This super intrigued me and led to a series of questions. This brewing started at Urbana when a lady spoke on the International Justice Mission (IJM). So I discussed with my boss how maybe joining the FBI or IJM would be a better fit for me. Hmmm, I don't know, just something I've noticed has come up a lot. I guess only time will tell.
Also thrown into the mix is how I've wanted to get my Master's in Social Work. I was discussing this with my co-worker who has his MSW. He seems to think I would be good at it due to the job I have now. It'll be interesting to see how all the pieces come together in the end. As of right now, I really don't know what the future holds, I just have some inklings!
God ministering through music
God has been ministering to me through these songs as well (basically Kirk Franklin's whole Hero CD and Derek Webb's Mockingbird CD):
Let it Go - it inspired me to write my own testimony and then just let the past go.
Imagine Me - inspires me to have hope.
Afterawhile - more hope.
Without You - just makes me appreciate having God in my life.
My enemies are men like me - a reminder to love
Rich young ruler - a reminder of why I moved to CA
A new law - a reminder for me to not be apathetic
Let it Go - it inspired me to write my own testimony and then just let the past go.
Imagine Me - inspires me to have hope.
Afterawhile - more hope.
Without You - just makes me appreciate having God in my life.
My enemies are men like me - a reminder to love
Rich young ruler - a reminder of why I moved to CA
A new law - a reminder for me to not be apathetic
First Love
Here's another song through which God has been ministering to me. Especially the part where it says God is able to heal if you listen. And He'll show you His will if you listen. But you gotta be still and just listen. God spoke to me a couple weekends ago when I was sabbathing (taking a day to rest and spend with God) about how I am still in a season of healing.
Part of me is frustrated because I can't function in the ways I'd like. He showed me how with the back pains I've been having that part of healing is not being able to function in ways I typically can. It's the same for the emotional healing I'm going through. I feel like God has been reassuring me in this season. Part of me also has wondered if there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I felt like God was saying "yes" there is. I had my first session with my counselor yesterday. It went better than I expected. I definitely felt God's presence and I almost cried 3-4 times. But I feel like He is beckoning me to "come back to [my] first love" and He can heal me if I just be still and listen. I get so busy, I forget to stop and listen. God ministers to me through music a lot! I'm realizing that due to me being introverted I have to take introverted time. My boss at work has inspired me in this and how important it is.
Part of me is frustrated because I can't function in the ways I'd like. He showed me how with the back pains I've been having that part of healing is not being able to function in ways I typically can. It's the same for the emotional healing I'm going through. I feel like God has been reassuring me in this season. Part of me also has wondered if there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I felt like God was saying "yes" there is. I had my first session with my counselor yesterday. It went better than I expected. I definitely felt God's presence and I almost cried 3-4 times. But I feel like He is beckoning me to "come back to [my] first love" and He can heal me if I just be still and listen. I get so busy, I forget to stop and listen. God ministers to me through music a lot! I'm realizing that due to me being introverted I have to take introverted time. My boss at work has inspired me in this and how important it is.
Purity
As I've been struggling to have pure thoughts, this song is has really ministered to me. It reminds me of God's jealous love for me and how He feels when I "prostitute" myself with impure thoughts. There are a lot of ways that we as people "prostitute" ourselves and seek attention and love in the wrong ways. And this song is like God saying you don't have to do that, you don't have to put on that red light or wear that dress tonight. It's God expressing his jealous love, how his heart cries to the point where it's more than He can stand. Wow!! And how I need to believe God when He says He loves me. I struggle with that sometimes. The song says Roxanne, but I imagine God saying Diamante. I've listened to it several times to try and get the truths to sink deep into my heart! The red dress she's wearing reminds me of the blood of Jesus that covers all my sins!! I love the way God speaks to me! We have a special relationship! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqm3Fxa1SoQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqm3Fxa1SoQ
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Pro-Life
Growing up, I've heard my father say many times "This is life giving!" with his Ricky Ricardo Spanish accent. He would say it any time it rained, he was in nature, or all the family was together etc. So I've wondered about the definition of life and what it means to be pro-life (a very contraversial term).
For me, I don't think I experienced real life until I became a Christian. I was really a walking dead person. So what was it that gave me life. I think knowing there was a God who deeply loved me, experiencing hope, answered prayer, and the Holy Spirit. People investing in my life: shepherding me, teaching me basic life skills such as money management, how to study in college, how to cook, conflict resolution, family reconciliation, forgiveness. People helping me when money was tight: offering me clothes, furniture, or providing me with dinner. The government giving me loans and financial aid so I could afford school, housing, and bills. People praying for me and giving me advice when I didn't know what to do. People showing me how to do a resume, what to say and not to say in an interview...the list goes on.
So I have begun to wonder if hypothetically the law changes and abortion becomes illegal, will the babies really be born into life or will they be born into a dead world with walking dead people. As Shane Claiborne put it "Life does not begin at conception and end at birth." That's not to say they should not be given a chance, that I'm against there being a law against it, or that God can't redeem any situation. But I've had to re-evaluate what I mean when I say pro-life. I've realized that I have to be careful of a single issue becoming an idol in my life and therefore, neglecting so many other issues that also constitute life. Not that I don't care and pray about the abortion law. But I need to be weary of it becoming an idol and paralyzing me from bringing life in so many other ways to not only the unborn, but to those that are already "living".
For me, I don't think I experienced real life until I became a Christian. I was really a walking dead person. So what was it that gave me life. I think knowing there was a God who deeply loved me, experiencing hope, answered prayer, and the Holy Spirit. People investing in my life: shepherding me, teaching me basic life skills such as money management, how to study in college, how to cook, conflict resolution, family reconciliation, forgiveness. People helping me when money was tight: offering me clothes, furniture, or providing me with dinner. The government giving me loans and financial aid so I could afford school, housing, and bills. People praying for me and giving me advice when I didn't know what to do. People showing me how to do a resume, what to say and not to say in an interview...the list goes on.
So I have begun to wonder if hypothetically the law changes and abortion becomes illegal, will the babies really be born into life or will they be born into a dead world with walking dead people. As Shane Claiborne put it "Life does not begin at conception and end at birth." That's not to say they should not be given a chance, that I'm against there being a law against it, or that God can't redeem any situation. But I've had to re-evaluate what I mean when I say pro-life. I've realized that I have to be careful of a single issue becoming an idol in my life and therefore, neglecting so many other issues that also constitute life. Not that I don't care and pray about the abortion law. But I need to be weary of it becoming an idol and paralyzing me from bringing life in so many other ways to not only the unborn, but to those that are already "living".
There are no deer in LA
The other day I was driving home down the winding 110 freeway. It was a bit dark and there were less cars than usual. Then I forgot where I was. I thought I was back home in rural San Antonio, TX driving home from my parents. It must have been the dark, winding, carless freeway that threw me off. Then I began to freak out and was looking for deer that may run across the road. I slowed down a bit. I finally remembered I was in busy LA. I told my roommate and we laughed about it. There are no animals to worry about on these freeways. Right after that I thought I saw a rabbit running across the freeway before I realized it was a white plastic bag. I guess my mind had not made the shift yet.
The Sweetest Job Ever
The other day after coming home from a day at Universal Studios with some kids from my work, I started to reflect on why my job is the sweetest job ever. If it weren't for all my challenging jobs then I don't think I'd appreciate this one as much. Something as simple as a lunch break means so much to me. Here's my list that actually could be longer, but I didn't want to really bore anyone:
-I get to create my schedule
-I get to work "normal" hours (9-5)
-If Iwant to sleep in a day or two I can (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get a lunch break
-My lunch break can be as short or as long as I want it (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-If I'm tired, I can take a break (even a quick nap without being disturbed)
-I get to play lots of games (uno, chess, connect four, chuttes and ladders etc)
-I get to go fun places (Universal Studios, the beach, the movies, Jamba Juice etc) for free
-I get paid when I go on vacation
-I can take one day off every two weeks (as long as I work 80 hours in two weeks)
-Everyday is different
-I can make personal phone calls without getting yelled at
-I get to dress casually and choose my own outfits
-I don't have to sit or stand all the time
-I get to speak Spanish
-I get to help ADHD kids learn impulse control
-I get to help kids learn anger management
-I get to see the fruit of my labor
-I get good health insurance
-I get some holidays off
-I get to help people access resources and navigate difficult life circumstances
-I get paid enough that I don't live beyond my means
-I actually like my supervisors and co-workers (although my supervisor just put in his two weeks notice-very sad )
-My birthday is actually recognized and celebrated
-I can leave work early if I want to (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get to be a part of breaking generational cycles (such as helping a high schooler graduate)
-I'm treated as a person with a personality and opionions/input that matters (not a robot)
-I get food for free at times (believe it or not when I worked in the food industry I was a lot less likely to get free food. It's considered employee theft.)
-My mental health matters to my supervisors and is actually taken into consideration (I'm not expected to be super women and pretend everything is okay when it's not)
-My co-workers are people that care about people and go out of their way at times for each other instead of taking advantage of peoples kindness
-I get to listen to my music sometimes
-I get to be indoors and outdoors
-I actually like promoting our services unlike when I worked at a restaurant and fast food joint
-I get to help people learn healthy habits
When I went to college, there were a lot of people that wanted a job where they could make a lot of money. I just wanted a job where I would be happy, but I was skeptical of this actually being possible. A lot of people warned me of going into the field I chose (Social Work) because they say it's hard, people get burned out, and you don't make much money. Now I'm glad I didn't listen to other people, but listened to God and pursued the things that make me happiest which is helping other people. This organization is good about protecting people from burn out and the money is better than I thought. I don't know about my future, but I trust God.
-I get to create my schedule
-I get to work "normal" hours (9-5)
-If Iwant to sleep in a day or two I can (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get a lunch break
-My lunch break can be as short or as long as I want it (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-If I'm tired, I can take a break (even a quick nap without being disturbed)
-I get to play lots of games (uno, chess, connect four, chuttes and ladders etc)
-I get to go fun places (Universal Studios, the beach, the movies, Jamba Juice etc) for free
-I get paid when I go on vacation
-I can take one day off every two weeks (as long as I work 80 hours in two weeks)
-Everyday is different
-I can make personal phone calls without getting yelled at
-I get to dress casually and choose my own outfits
-I don't have to sit or stand all the time
-I get to speak Spanish
-I get to help ADHD kids learn impulse control
-I get to help kids learn anger management
-I get to see the fruit of my labor
-I get good health insurance
-I get some holidays off
-I get to help people access resources and navigate difficult life circumstances
-I get paid enough that I don't live beyond my means
-I actually like my supervisors and co-workers (although my supervisor just put in his two weeks notice-very sad )
-My birthday is actually recognized and celebrated
-I can leave work early if I want to (as long as I work 40 hours a week)
-I get to be a part of breaking generational cycles (such as helping a high schooler graduate)
-I'm treated as a person with a personality and opionions/input that matters (not a robot)
-I get food for free at times (believe it or not when I worked in the food industry I was a lot less likely to get free food. It's considered employee theft.)
-My mental health matters to my supervisors and is actually taken into consideration (I'm not expected to be super women and pretend everything is okay when it's not)
-My co-workers are people that care about people and go out of their way at times for each other instead of taking advantage of peoples kindness
-I get to listen to my music sometimes
-I get to be indoors and outdoors
-I actually like promoting our services unlike when I worked at a restaurant and fast food joint
-I get to help people learn healthy habits
When I went to college, there were a lot of people that wanted a job where they could make a lot of money. I just wanted a job where I would be happy, but I was skeptical of this actually being possible. A lot of people warned me of going into the field I chose (Social Work) because they say it's hard, people get burned out, and you don't make much money. Now I'm glad I didn't listen to other people, but listened to God and pursued the things that make me happiest which is helping other people. This organization is good about protecting people from burn out and the money is better than I thought. I don't know about my future, but I trust God.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My back
As some of you know, I sent out a prayer request for my back. I was having extreme pain for extended periods of time. There were several days that I was pretty debilitated because just about every movement hurt. My back had been an on going problem for some time.
The awesome news it that the day after I sent out my prayer request, my back was feeling better and it's been a steady increase sense. I've had several days now that I don't feel pain! Praise the Lord!! There are still times it hurts, but I'm thankful to be able to function. Plus, God has been using my back issues to speak to deeper rooted emotional issues. So I'm thankful for God speaking to me as well. Thanks everyone who prayed.
By the way, this is also why I have not posted anything in a while. Typing can really hurt my back. But I'm comin' back around, thanks to God!!
The awesome news it that the day after I sent out my prayer request, my back was feeling better and it's been a steady increase sense. I've had several days now that I don't feel pain! Praise the Lord!! There are still times it hurts, but I'm thankful to be able to function. Plus, God has been using my back issues to speak to deeper rooted emotional issues. So I'm thankful for God speaking to me as well. Thanks everyone who prayed.
By the way, this is also why I have not posted anything in a while. Typing can really hurt my back. But I'm comin' back around, thanks to God!!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Articulation
The other night I made my rounds picking up the high school girls for bible study. One of the girls brother, Andy, was with her and it was going to be too difficult to coordinate getting him to the guys bible study, so I said it was fine if he came with us this week, but that he should work it out to go with the guys the next week.
I was going to have to lead this bible study by myself because the other two leaders had other obligations. I was tired and had felt sick earlier on in the day. It started with Andy trying to sit next to the other girls. Then he made a comment about how he would take one of the girls home and spend the night with her. I just gave him a look and shook my head. Finally, he leaned forward and rubbed one of the girls arms and said 'Hey Baby!" That was it I couldn't take it anymore. So I snapped at him and said something to the effect of "If you don't stop we're not going to let you come with us ever again" in an angry tone. He said "It was just a joke." and I said "Well, it's not funny!" in a pretty harsh tone. I'm not one to typically act out of anger or to lay down a rule and not explain it, but in that moment I did not know how to articulate why this was so important to me. There wasn't much talking in the car after that. I suddenly felt empathy for parents who try to discipline their kids in the best way they know how. But I never liked it when people had rules and didn't explain them.
When we got to my apartment, Andy asked "You don't like the way I talk to girls?" in a seriously inquisitive tone. At this point I knew I had to try and articulate my thoughts and feelings. It's quite possible that this behavior has been acceptable in all of his realms of influence. Perhaps his family does it, his peers at school do it, the music he listens to promotes it, the TV and billboards also make it seem acceptable and maybe his teachers have never caught him or corrected him. So it's possible that he really didn't know what was wrong with it. So I said something like "Well, the comments you made were sexually insinuating and a lot of times women are treated like sex objects and not for the what they really have to offer." I'm not sure that was the best explanation. Maybe there were too many big words. But he didn't ask anymore questions after that and stopped making comments.
After this experience, I realized how the ability to articulate rules, morals and values is important to parenting (and other roles over children). A lot of times kids get confused by the rules, don't understand their boundaries, and get inconsistent discipline. These are a few reasons why they may act out. There's been a few times I've wanted to be critical of certain parenting styles. For example, when a parent yells at a baby for doing something it didn't know it shouldn't do. But in this moment, I realized how difficult parenting could be. It's not always easy to know how to explain to a kid why a rule is there or why certain boundaries exist. You just want them to do what you say and do it now. But nonetheless, I feel like articulating my thoughts and feelings about a particular rule or boundary is important. It's not only easier, but in fact desirable to follow a rule when you actually understand its purpose. And I'm hoping to not only instill in these youth rules, but values that they can also take ownership of.
When I've thought of the 'have's' and the 'have nots' I don't think I had "ability to articulate rules, boundaries, morals, and values" on the list. But I think this is yet another skill that not everyone has been taught, which can affect the decisions people make. Yeah, some people straight up sin knowing what they are doing is wrong. But others I think just don't know and it's one of my roles to figure out how to articulate certain things to them.
I was going to have to lead this bible study by myself because the other two leaders had other obligations. I was tired and had felt sick earlier on in the day. It started with Andy trying to sit next to the other girls. Then he made a comment about how he would take one of the girls home and spend the night with her. I just gave him a look and shook my head. Finally, he leaned forward and rubbed one of the girls arms and said 'Hey Baby!" That was it I couldn't take it anymore. So I snapped at him and said something to the effect of "If you don't stop we're not going to let you come with us ever again" in an angry tone. He said "It was just a joke." and I said "Well, it's not funny!" in a pretty harsh tone. I'm not one to typically act out of anger or to lay down a rule and not explain it, but in that moment I did not know how to articulate why this was so important to me. There wasn't much talking in the car after that. I suddenly felt empathy for parents who try to discipline their kids in the best way they know how. But I never liked it when people had rules and didn't explain them.
When we got to my apartment, Andy asked "You don't like the way I talk to girls?" in a seriously inquisitive tone. At this point I knew I had to try and articulate my thoughts and feelings. It's quite possible that this behavior has been acceptable in all of his realms of influence. Perhaps his family does it, his peers at school do it, the music he listens to promotes it, the TV and billboards also make it seem acceptable and maybe his teachers have never caught him or corrected him. So it's possible that he really didn't know what was wrong with it. So I said something like "Well, the comments you made were sexually insinuating and a lot of times women are treated like sex objects and not for the what they really have to offer." I'm not sure that was the best explanation. Maybe there were too many big words. But he didn't ask anymore questions after that and stopped making comments.
After this experience, I realized how the ability to articulate rules, morals and values is important to parenting (and other roles over children). A lot of times kids get confused by the rules, don't understand their boundaries, and get inconsistent discipline. These are a few reasons why they may act out. There's been a few times I've wanted to be critical of certain parenting styles. For example, when a parent yells at a baby for doing something it didn't know it shouldn't do. But in this moment, I realized how difficult parenting could be. It's not always easy to know how to explain to a kid why a rule is there or why certain boundaries exist. You just want them to do what you say and do it now. But nonetheless, I feel like articulating my thoughts and feelings about a particular rule or boundary is important. It's not only easier, but in fact desirable to follow a rule when you actually understand its purpose. And I'm hoping to not only instill in these youth rules, but values that they can also take ownership of.
When I've thought of the 'have's' and the 'have nots' I don't think I had "ability to articulate rules, boundaries, morals, and values" on the list. But I think this is yet another skill that not everyone has been taught, which can affect the decisions people make. Yeah, some people straight up sin knowing what they are doing is wrong. But others I think just don't know and it's one of my roles to figure out how to articulate certain things to them.
Pessimist, Optimist, or is it Hope?
I remember when I was in high school there was a sticker we had on a wall in our house that said "Optimist - Good Morning God! Pessimist - Good God, it's morning!" I always wanted to be more of an optimist and in those days when I began to discover God's role in my life more and more my optimism was boosted for a season. I remember one of my classmates wrote me a note one day saying "thanks for teaching me to always look at the bright side of things."
However, I wouldn't say that I'm much of an optimist today. I've noticed that I tend to see the negative side of situations often. I think the shift in my attitude can somewhat be attributed to confronting the injustices and realities of the world we live in. Yet, does this mean I should always choose to see these negatives? Is it okay that when I walk through Pasadena High School what I notice is all the kids ditching, talking about smokin', making out, and cussing each other out?
I feel like my roommate is a great example of an optimistic person. She knows how to see the good in any situation. I was really starting to get mad at myself for feeling like too much of a pessimist. But at the same time I felt like I was not keepin' it real if I was optimistic. I felt like I was pretending things were good when they were not.
Then my roommate told me what one of the other interns said to her. He said something to the effect of "I don't think Christians are called to be optimists nor pessimists. We are called to have hope." We are called to have hope..hmmm. Now that, I think I can accept. So it's not that I shouldn't see the ugliness and negativity of some situations nor that I shouldn't find the already existing positive within those situations, but instead, I should recognize the negatives and positives and have hope that change can happen. Hope that God can move, God can intervene, and justice can be administered.
However, I wouldn't say that I'm much of an optimist today. I've noticed that I tend to see the negative side of situations often. I think the shift in my attitude can somewhat be attributed to confronting the injustices and realities of the world we live in. Yet, does this mean I should always choose to see these negatives? Is it okay that when I walk through Pasadena High School what I notice is all the kids ditching, talking about smokin', making out, and cussing each other out?
I feel like my roommate is a great example of an optimistic person. She knows how to see the good in any situation. I was really starting to get mad at myself for feeling like too much of a pessimist. But at the same time I felt like I was not keepin' it real if I was optimistic. I felt like I was pretending things were good when they were not.
Then my roommate told me what one of the other interns said to her. He said something to the effect of "I don't think Christians are called to be optimists nor pessimists. We are called to have hope." We are called to have hope..hmmm. Now that, I think I can accept. So it's not that I shouldn't see the ugliness and negativity of some situations nor that I shouldn't find the already existing positive within those situations, but instead, I should recognize the negatives and positives and have hope that change can happen. Hope that God can move, God can intervene, and justice can be administered.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
“I’m a teenager I’m not supposed to be answering these questions!”
I got to join my co-leader of the high-school bible study as she took out one of the high school girls, Carlisha, for discipleship. Northwest Neighbors has a value of not only having a structured bible study for the kids to learn and discuss, but to also invest one-on-one in theirs lives. Carlisha has seemed to take a liking to me ever since I offered to give her a ride home one night. She seems to think my roommate and I are “cool”. She and her mentor, Karen, have invited me to join them on several occasions, but I’ve always had other plans. So I finally made it a point to meet with them.
After bible study that week I had asked Carlisha about the gangs in the neighborhood because I heard she was quite educated on them. She got excited to share about them with me as it’s a large part of her daily experience. She told me the names of the gangs, their boundaries, what colors they wear, how to know if they’ll shoot you or not, and so on. I asked her what percent of her friends were in gangs and she said 75%. Wow!! Carlisha herself isn’t in a gang and she has managed to gain respect from many gang members to the point that they won’t mess with her.
God has really put this young girl on my heart and I’m beginning to see how God could really use her. At one point when we were meeting with Carlisha she said “I’m not used to having people asking me how I’m doing. I’m used to always helping everyone else out.” We were trying to convince her that she can make a difference in society because she had trouble seeing that. She began to tell us how it is difficult for her because people come to her with some crazy situations. She gave us a couple examples: A Black girl is dating a Mexican and gets pregnant. Her mom hates Mexicans and her boyfriend’s dad hates Blacks. Does she have the baby knowing her mom will hate her or does she abort it? OR a girl has syphilis and gets pregnant, should she have the baby? Then Carlisha said “I’m a teenager I’m not supposed to be answering these questions.” All in all, it was a cool night. I feel like Carlisha is willing to learn, she just needs people to teach her. We were able to talk about privilege, global poverty, spending less to give more, enabling vs. empowering, catching someone a fish vs. teaching someone to fish, and how Carlisha can and is making a difference in people’s lives, in her school and in her neighborhood. To her she was just telling her gang bangin’ friends to go to class, but we helped her see that even though that seemed small, her friend being in class could save a life. I’m thankful God has allowed me to be a part of Carlisha’s life. I’m just asking God now, how do I equip and empower her to continue making a difference because her gang bangin’ friends aren’t going to be talking to me everyday and God has put her in this position for such a time as this. Now, to get her to see that!
Racism in a New Context
So I’ve studied race relations in school and I’ve had discussions and seminars on it through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, but it’s been interesting for me to talk about race relations through the lens of high school girls in my neighborhood. In school and through InterVarsity it was a matter of convincing us that we should not be color blind, racism still exists, culture is a beautiful creation of God and that it may take intentionality on our part to break through barriers and cross racial lines. My learning was more about being an advocate, using my privilege to help others, not stereotyping, and being intentional in making friends with other races.
But with the high school girls, the subject of racism is a whole other ball game. They do not question whether racism exists. They have lots of stories and experiences to share where they were the victim. They know that with each race there comes a culture that can not be ignored, they’re clashing all the time at school. However, one of the high school girls many questions is what’s the difference between wisdom and racism? If they’ve had experiences where a particular race is prone to commit a particular crime against their race, then is it straight up dumb for them to not be racist and then end up getting jacked for their stuff, beat up, or shot because they were trying to do the right thing. Of course, we continued to challenge them in not assuming that because one person of a particular race commits an offense against them, that everyone of that race is dangerous. But living in this neighborhood where there are gangs of different races, the streets are racially segregated, and violence happens between races, I am now challenged to wrestle with racism in a different way than I had before. The high school girls don’t want to wrongly assume someone is a criminal because of the way they look, but they want to know at what point do they cross the line of stupidity in which they’re not preventing a situation that could have been prevented if they had followed their assumption. The issue of racism is complicated by the realities of the neighborhood. And our challenge in bible study is to navigate these complicated issues and questions while standing on the Word of God no matter the context.
Going Green?
It’s a pretty funny story to all the people in
I read the sentence like 5 times and then had to call the director. “Josh, I’m a bit confused. So do you want us to bring green plates? Why do we need to bring colored plates? ”
Yeah, I know. All you
What’s going on in Pasadena?
For those of you interested in the major problems
Being a Bridge
In the summer of 2006 when I was in
There were many things I liked about Obama’s speech on “A More Perfect Union”, which you can listen to here. But I think what I really liked is seeing someone who is bi-racial trying to navigate the issue. I haven’t seen to many examples of people being a bridge especially through the nature of their birth. My roommate is quite aware of this and has advocated for us bi-racial folk in this way, but I don’t like when people refer to Obama as only black. He’s not just black. He’s not just white. He’s both. It’s difficult to live in that tension sometimes. But I’m glad God made me the way I am. I embody reconciliation. The task is in living it out daily. Being a bridge daily. And I’m thankful for others who help lead the way!
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